Fresh Wounds
by les4love
Summary: Elliot begins work with SVU, his first case unearths painful events that were meant to remain buried in the past. But as Casey struggles to regain control of her emotions, thoughts, and body, Elliot fights to reclaim her heart. SEQUAL TO A DARKER LOVE
1. Chapter 1

Casey walked into her office and dropped her briefcase on her desk, she was exhausted from the night before. She and Liv had gone out, three bars and a night cap at her place. Liv smiled at her from the door of her office, "Hey sunshine. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a drunken rock, and you?"

"About the same," Liv laughed and sat down in one of Casey's office chairs. "So, we need to prep the Carson girl for court, she's here already, I just need to finish some paperwork and then she's all yours."

"Alright, thanks." Casey smiled and sat down, she watched Liv walk out of the office and sighed. She shook her head, thinking about Liv and Alex having problems lately, again. It seemed that there was always something wrong between them, they were always bickering, fighting over something, but they loved eachother and the fights always ended in passionate reconsiliation. It always put a slight damper on her mood to think about the past that Alex and Liv had, it always made her think of Elliot. She shook the thougth out of her head, knowing that what she had done was truly for the better. She knew that she wouldnt be where she was that day if she hadn't filed those papers. They would have been bitter and resentful, ending things years later with more bad things to say about one another than good. She sighed and turned in her desk chair, hit the power button on her computer and took a file out of the basket by her desk.

* * *

Olivia picked up the phone on her desk and answered it, distractedly. "Benson." She stopped everything and sat up in her chair, "What are you talking about?...Why is he transferring here?" She looked up at Cragen's office, he was standing in the doorway talking to Fin. "He does know that this is her unit, right?" She laughed disbelievingly, "And has he talked to her about this?...Of course, I shouldnt have to ask..Alright, well I need to get back to work, I'll call you later." She dropped the phone back to it's home and stood up, she went to Cragen and knocked on his open office door. "Hey, can I talk to you?"

Cragen looked up at her and smiled, he waved her inside and she shut the door behind her. "What is it Olivia?"

"I hear you approved a transfer for Elliot Stabler."

He looked at her, eyes narrowed in an effort to discern exactly what she was getting at. "Yes, I did. Why?"

"I've known him for a very long time, we went to high school together."

"Alright, so what exactly are you asking me here?"

She sighed and took another step closer to him and then sat down on the edge of the desk, "Can I have him as my partner? I know Fin and Munch and I work well with them, but in all honesty I want Elliot for my partner."

"Any reason for this?"

"I'm not sure exactly what reason I have, other than the fact that I trust him."

"Nothing sexual, romantic?"

"No, nothing," She said with a laugh. She shook her head at the suggestion, and stood. "I just think it would be best if he were my partner. In all honesty, I'm sick of my guys deciding they cant take it and transferring back out. Make sense cap?"

He nodded, "I'll see what I can do. Now get back to work."

* * *

Elliot let her tighten his tie, but didnt look at her. It had always been like this with Kathy, silence and discomfort, but he couldnt abandon her. She had gotten pregnant with his child while he was in the academy, he was responsible for her, and the ten year old son that they had. She was just glad that he hadn't married her. He respected her and cared for her, but he had never been able to tell her that he loved her, not even after ten years together. He still regretted what had happened, one drunken mistake had turned into this. She stood up on her tip toes to give him a kiss but he simply shook his head, "Not now Kathy." She sighed and shook her head. She walked away from him, mumbling under her breath, he assumed she was going to make breakfast for Alex, his son, but honestly didnt care enough to ask. He glanced at the clock, seven forty, he needed to leave if he was going to make it on time for his first day. He was nervous, he hadn't planned to end up working SVU and he wasn't sure that he could handle it. But he was confident in his ability to adjust, it was nothing more than a new unit, dealing with kids couldn't be that hard.

He shrugged on his suit jacket and then another, leather jacket on over that and walked out to the living room of the small, two bedroom apartment. He stared fondly at his son for a moment, he looked just like him, dark hair and ice blue eyes, he even gave Kathy the same looks that Elliot did. He smiled and said a quick goodbye, then walked out the door without a second glance at Kathy, but with the image of his son burned into his brain.

It didnt take him as long to get the precinct as he had thought, traffic was relatively light for a New York morning. He walked confidently to Cragen's office, not bothering to look at his fellow detectives. Cragen closed the door behind him and told him to sit. Elliot followed instructions, sitting timidly in the chair across from the Captain.

"Stabler, welcome to SVU."

"Thank you sir."

"Good to have you here, think you'll last on this unit?"

Elliot frowned at the tone in Cragen's voice, it bothered him that this man, who didnt even know him, already had doubts about his ability. "Yes sir, I do."

Cragen nodded and stood up, he opened the door and stood looking at the other detectives for a moment. "Benson!" He barked at one of them, Elliot's senses kicked into high gear. He could never forget that name, the face that walked into the office and stared down at him. He stood and shook the hand she offered him. "Stabler, this is your partner, Olivia Benson."

"Hey El."

"Liv, I-"

"Not here, get out there, pick up your cases and get going. You two can do the sentimental shit when you get off work. Go."

Elliot and Olivia walked out to their desks, she tossed a few files on the desk in front of him and said, without looking up, "You need to brief yourself on these, were leaving in an hour."

He nodded but she was already walking the other way, towards on of the smaller offices, she disappeared into the one nearest the door. He looked down and began reading, silently absorbing the information she had thrown at him without even a smile.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean Elliot is your new partner?"

Liv shrugged and gave her a small smile, "I just thought I should warn you before you had to find out the hard way."

"Well, thanks but a warning doesnt really make me feel any better about it."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

Casey looked down at the desk, "Well, I have to talk to sometime, dont I? I'm not going to quit my job to avoid him." She ran her fingers lightly along the gold chain on her neck. Olivia followed the line of it down her throat, knowing that the pendant that disappeared under her top was a small, engraved gold heart with their wedding rings. "I'll just keep it professional. I cant let anything get in the way of my job, especially not him."

"Case, can I ask you something?"

She looked up at Olivia and nodded, "Sure Liv."

Olivia sat down in one of the chairs that sat facing her desk, "Why did you dad push you so hard to divorce him?"

Casey sighed and sat back. Olivia could see her eyes clouding over with hidden emotions, buried thoughts, and gave her an encouraging nod. She tossed her pen down on the desk and answered in a strong voice. "He felt it was the best thing for me."

"But why?"

Her voice was a little quieter, and it shook slightly, but Casey showed no sign that she heard it revealing what she couldnt say. "He said I had too much potential to be tied down to a marine with a bad case of PTSD. He said he was afraid for me, that one day El would lose his temper and something bad would happen. He was just looking out for me."

Olivia frowned, "Case, you know El would never hurt you, he would never even put a hand on you."

"I know, I wasnt worried about that. I was worried about him losing it, lashing out at me, Elliot has a good handle on his words, he knows exactly what to say to hurt me. He knows me too well."

"Elliot would never have intentionally hurt you, you know that Case."

Casey looked back at Olivia, tears threatening to spill from her eyes and shook her head. "It was so different after I lost the baby. He didnt even look at me the same way. I wanted him to come find me, to try to make things better, but he didnt, he was just so quick to give up."

Olivia nodded and reached a hand across the desk, she rested it on Casey's and gave her a small smile. "It all happens for a reason, I'm sure it's for the better."

Casey nodded and wiped at her eyes, giving Liv a small smile she pulled in a deep breath. "It looks like he's ready for you to show him the ropes. Speaking of which, I need you to go up to the hospital. Suzy Calswert woke up this morning. You and Stabler are on that case, go get a statement, see what she remembers."

* * *

"How old is she?"

"Twenty three, its in the file sitting on your lap."

Elliot nodded, giving up on the attempts to start conversation, he looked to the file and began skimming through the information. Suzy was twenty three, blonde, about five foot, eight inches. She was an artist, she sold her paintings in some of the local art studios. She had been brutally raped and beaten, dumped in front of the hospital and left. She slipped into a coma and had been that way for four days. Elliot looked up at Olivia, who seemed to be concentrating very hard on the road. "Liv, your acting like you dont even know me."

She looked over at him, the sharp look in her eyes making him raise his brows and look to the window. "This is work Elliot, your my new partner, I'm not going to make this any easier on you. We need to see that you can handle this job, so I'm going to be distant until I know that you can do this alone, because you need to be able to handle what your going to see every day. Got it?"

He nodded and pushed the car door open as she parked. He followed her into the hospital and to the ward that Suzy was being kept on. Liv knocked gently on the door of the room and took a slow step inside. "Suzy, my name is Olivia Benson, I'm a detective with the Special Victims Unit, this is my partner, Elliot Stabler. Can we talk to you for a minute?"

She looked at Liv and nodded. "The doctor told me you were coming. I didnt think it would take so long though."

"We get here as soon as we can, sometimes it takes some time to get informed. Suzy, do you remember what happened to you?"

Suzy looked away but nodded. "Yes, he raped me, he beat me until he thought I was dead. Even I thought I was dead."

"Okay, we need to take your statement. I'm going to go speak to your doctors, will you be okay talking to Elliot?"

Suzy looked up at him, just staring at him for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, I'll be fine."

Olivia nodded and stood up, the look she gave Elliot warned him that if he screwed this up, it would be hell to pay, then she walked out in search of the doctors who had worked with her. "Where do you want me to start?" Elliot looked at Suzy and sat down.

"Start with that night. What plans did you have, where you were going and with who, all of that."

"I had a show, some of my paintings were up for a charity auction, I had to be there. I took my best friend, Anna Markson. When it was over we went to get dinner and then we took a cab back."

"Did you take the cab to your house or to hers?"

"Neither, we live about six blocks from eachother, we split the cab and had the cabbie drop us between our places. We walked seperate ways."

"Did you make it home?"

"No," she shook her head, "I was walking and out of nowhere I just felt a hand on my throat and I was being dragged backwards into an alley. He dropped me on the ground and he just stood there for a second with his foot on my chest." Her words were broken with small sobs, gasps for air, straining to gain control of her emotions so that she could clearly communicate what had happened. "He said 'Dont scream or I'll kill you and then everyone will see the slut you really are.' I wont ever forget that he said that. It happened so fast, one minute he was standing over me and then the next he was hitting me with...I think it was a bat, like a baseball, but I'm not sure. I just remember closing my eyes and trying not to cry out, not to let him know how much it hurt, not to give him that power. But all of the sudden I could feel him, he was shoving my skirt up, over my head, and I could feel his fingers on me, in me, he ripped my panties off and I could hear him panting. It hurt so much, he was inside me, moving like he owned me, telling me how much I liked it, how much of a slut I was and how bad he wanted to teach me a lesson. Everything would go black and then when I came back he was still there, I could feel him throughout my entire body, just touching me and hurting me and taking everything from me. I dont remember when he finished, or how I got here. I just...Slipped into the blackness and I didnt want to come back." She looked at Elliot, clearly signalling to him that she was done. He nodded and stopped the small recording machine.

"Thank you Suzy," He pulled a few cards from his jacket pocket and passed them to her. "If you remember anything else, anything at all, or if you need anything you can call me or Detective Benson." She nodded and rolled over, facing the wall.

He walked out of the room quietly, immediately spotting Olivia at the other end of the corridor. He approached her cautiously, not wanting to startle her. "Liv, I got your statement, what do we need to do now?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "We go back to the precinct and start putting it all together."


	2. Chapter 2

JENNIFERTVGIRL: glad your liking it :D hope i dont disappoint lol

BROWNIESTICK: lol your going to have to just keep reading, wait and see. maybe ill never tell and it'll be a question hanging in the back of your mind forever lol

FUTURENYPD: now now, i never said i HATED her. i just...dont think Elliot should have EVER married her lmao

VAMPIREPRINCESS: dont worry, chill out girl lol casey is SVU, alex is not BUT she is here in the story lmao just keep reading!

* * *

"Why do I have reporters calling my office about Suzy Calswert? You guys had better have something for me if the press is already all over this." Casey stormed into the bullpen, stopping by Olivia's desk, staring down at her with fire in her eyes. She looked to Elliot's desk then back at Olivia, "Where is Stabler?"

"Wont be in for a few hours. What do you mean reporters are calling you?"

"I dont know how much more clearly I can say it, but I wasn't aware that we were letting the press in on this case."

"We aren't, how did they get find out about her?"

She shook her head, "I dont know, maybe someone at the hospital, but whatever is going on, you keep me in the loop, I dont want to be surprised again Olivia."

Olivia nodded and popped open her web browser, typing the name 'Suzy Calswert' into the search engine. One result, the article that Casey must have seen. Olivia read through it quickly, shocked at what she saw. The details in the article were very intimate, mentioning marks that Suzy had on her thighs and waist, marks that only the doctor who examined her, she and Elliot could have known about. She hit the print button and went to Cragen's office.

"Captain," He looked up at her, brows raised. "We have a problem."

* * *

"What the hell do you mean no one should have known that detail? No one should have known anything."

"Casey, what I'm saying is, unless the doctor who did her rape kit decided to tell a reporter, this is the work of our perp."

Casey looked at her and shook her head, "Have you talked to Stabler yet?"

"Yes, he hasn't talked to anyone about this. Casey, we have to follow this, it may be our best lead."

Casey nodded and looked down at her desk. "Go talk to the reporter who wrote the story, I doubt they'll give you anything but give it a try anyway."

Olivia nodded and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind her. She caught Elliot's eyes and motioned for him to follow her as she left the building. He ran to catch up with her, falling into step beside her outside. "Where are we going?"

"Were going to go try to shake the information out of a reporter." Olivia looked at him, sizing him up and trying to determine how he was going to do in her unit. "Why did you decide on SVU?"

Elliot took a deep breath and looked away. "When I first got on the force, a good friend of mine got raped, this sick fuck really did a number on her, and they never caught the guy. I decided right then that SVU is where I need to be."

"Elliot," She stopped walking and looked up at him, "Dont personalize. Don't see every victim as your friend, dont do that. It's just going to get you thrown off the unit. Got it?"

Elliot nodded, "I dont personalize it, and every victim isnt Al-her. But what she went through made me think, this is one of the most important units to be on and I want to make a difference in someone's life."

She nodded. "Your making a difference, it doesnt take much on this unit. Just deal with the victims the right way and your good to go."

* * *

"Who let you in here?" Olivia looked down at the short man, holding a tablet of yellow paper and scribbling furiously with a pen. He was beginning to bald, obviously a more experienced reporter who had never quite managed to work his way up.

She flashed her badge and a brilliant smile, "Detective Benson. Svu."

"Ah," He nodded and turned back to his desk, "Your here about that Calswert girl. Real sad, brutal ordeal, hope she's alright."

"Do you feel bad enough to tell us who your informant was?" Elliot glanced at Olivia, she was still sporting a beautiful white smile, her eyes shining with what looked like plain beauty, but he knew it was hidden agitation.

"Actually," The reporter looked up at her and Elliot knew they were going to get some first amendment bullshit, but he was shocked as he continued. "I would have loved to tell you who he is, the letter came without a name, just a number in the return adress. He sounded like a real sick guy though, the details were insane." He reached into a stack of folders and pulled out a thick white envelope, handing it to Olivia, "He wrote about twelve pages, step by step, it was kindof sickening in all honesty. Once we checked hospital records, found out she really is a rape victim, we were forced to take it seriously."

"Why didnt you call us?"

"Not really a reporter's job, we need to take our stories where we can get them. I'm sorry I cant be of more help, Detective."

Olivia pulled a card from her jacket and dropped it on his desk, "Call me before you publish another story? If he writes again...?"

"You got it Detective."

Elliot followed her back to the elevator, falling into step silently beside her, letting her read the letter she had been given in silence. He learned quickly that she didnt have any trouble reading and walking at the same time, she finished the letter around the time they reached the car, she shoved it back in it's envelope, it was only then did Elliot realize that she had put on gloves while handling it. He smiled to himself at exactly how careful she was, he was impressed with her thought process.

"What do you think?"

She tossed him the keys and shook her head. "I think that who ever sent this to that sniveling reporter is our rapist. And I dont think this is his first time."

"What makes you think that?"

"He planned it all way too thoroughly for this to be his first time. He probably knows how we work too."

Elliot looked at her, started the car and sighed. "So what do we do?"

She gave him a 'did you really just ask me that' glance and said, "We do our jobs."

* * *

Elliot looked at the case file she had tossed at him, inside were pictures of a small girl, brutally murdered, the ME wrote in her reports that she had been raped multiple times. He shook his head and stood up, he felt like he was going to be sick. He disappeared into the bathroom just as Casey was walking out of her office.

She frowned in his direction, then walked over to Olivia. "What's wrong with him?"

Liv gave her a coy smile and shrugged. "I just showed him another one of our cases."

Casey walked to his desk and looked at the pictures laying there. "Your mean," she said to Olivia with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"He had to see them sooner or later. I dont think he's going to last here, I think he wont be able to keep himself at a professional distance."

"Liv," Casey pointed to her, "You dont keep a professional distance either." She shrugged as Olivia glared at her, unmistakeably saying 'that isn't my point'. "I'm going to go check on him."

She began to brush by Olivia but Liv reached out to stop her, "Case!" Casey turned with her eyebrows raised, "He doesnt know you work here. He doesnt even know I still keep in touch with you."

Casey shrugged again, not really caring. "He needs to find out sooner or later."

She pulled her arm out of Liv's grip, and walked towards the men's room slowly. She knocked gently on the door, and walked in when she heard Elliot grunt in acknowledgement. "El?"

He spun to look at her, his eyes wide with shock. "C-Casey. What are you doing here?"

She gave him a small smile. "I'm the ADA, this is my unit. Are you alright?"

He stood looking at her, simply staring in astonishment. She took a step towards him and reached a hand out, touching him gently on his arm. "El?" She whispered, "Please talk to me."

"You...You left me."

"Yes, I did but-"

"No, you fucking left me. You promised me forever and then you just left. When I needed you."

Her eyes flaired up with anger, "You may not have left physically but you left me very alone after my miscarriage Elliot. Dont even try to put the blame on me."

"Your the one who filed the damn papers!"

"You didnt have to sign them!" She bit her lip, realizing that they were yelling in a precinct bathroom. "Look, you cant put all the blame on me."

"I'm pretty fucking sure I can. Still living in your house in Chealsea?"

She set her jaw, realizing that he wasnt going to back down. But neither would she, she was an attorney, she won fights for a living. She wouldnt let the new detective on her unit push her around like that. "Actually yes, I never saw any reason to sell it, its not a bad commute either." She looked at him, her ponytail sending shivers down her spine as it gently brushed her neck, "You would know if you hadnt just given up and signed the damn papers."

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He just stood there, silently staring at her. She gave him a cocky smile and turned on her heel, flipping her beautiful red hair as she left. She slammed the door shut behind her and he could make out the shape of her body as she walked away. As she walked away from him again, and for a second time he didnt follow his instict and try to stop her. She wanted him to convince her she was wrong, to win her back? Then that's what he would do. He silently resolved to prove her wrong about him, show her that he was worth a second shot, show her that she did still love him, just like he still loved her.

Olivia watched as Casey stormed back to her office, and followed her when she realized Elliot probably needed a few minutes to recover from whatever had happened. She knocked gently on Casey's door and opened it slowly. "Case?" She looked in, Casey was slamming drawers shut in her desk and mumbling to herself. Olivia stepped into her office and shut the office door behind her. She watched as Casey pulled an old, worn out picture frame out of her desk and slammed it on the desktop. Olivia looked down at her and realized that it was Casey and Elliot's wedding photo. "Casey, what happened?"

"That arrogant son of bitch, he wants to play games with me? He doesnt even realize how hard I can make this job for him."

Olivia raised her eyebrows in concern, but was slightly amused by this new, vindictive Casey. "What are you going to do? Remember, he's my partner, dont make it worse on me."

Casey glanced up at her. "Go get your partner back to work, you have a missing kid, a dead kid and a rape victim, get that taken care of. Bring me what you find."

Olivia nodded and walked out of the office, once again shutting the door behind her. Casey sat down at her desk and picked up the phone. She hit her speed dial number four and listened to the phone ring quietly in her ear. Finally a voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Tucker?"

"Yeah, whose this?"

"Casey Novak, with SVU."

"Oh, hey Casey, whats going on?"

"I need a favor."


	3. Chapter 3

FUTURENYPD: yes lol it is that tucker. im not his biggest fan BUT i do see a use for him :) and what a wonderful use it is lmao

VAMPIREPRINCESS: this is a FANFIC lol i know where she works in the show, but i dont like it, i think it is inconvenient so im changing it :) she has a pretty office a few doors down from Cragen's :D

LITTLELATINA: i dont really see Casey as a sad and shattered kind of person lol Elliot isnt over her though, he just thought he was ;)

JENNIFERTVGIRL: dont worry lol itll all work out. just dont like 'OMGEEEE' me at this chapter lmao but i'll miss you, cant wait til you get to read and review! :D

TO EVERYONE: I will explain what happened with Alex...all in good time lol your just gonna have to keep reading :D

* * *

Tucker walked into the building and went straight to Casey's office. He shut the door behind him and she looked up in surprise, not expecting him so quickly. "What did you say his name is?"

"Detective Stabler." She smiled at him, cool and collected in appearance but inside her emotions were rolling, doing backflips and somersaults as she tried to regain control. "He hasn't done anything, I just have some concerns."

He frowned at her, "Such as?"

"I think he's got a short temper, and I honestly believe we can expect some violent behavior from him. They're bringing a perp in now, a man suspected of raping and murdering a child."

"You think we have something to worry about with him?"

"I just think he needs to be watched. He's the type to take everything personally, it will get him into trouble."

Tucker nodded and shoved his hands into his suit pockets. "I want to oversee the interrogation."

Casey nodded and waved him out, letting him know that no one on the unit would give him any trouble. Tucker and Casey watched as Elliot dragged the man in, it was obvious that he had put up a fight from his bloody nose and dirt stained shirt. Tucker and Casey stood, side by side, watching them through the glass. Tucker reached his hand out and placed it on Casey's shoulder. She looked up at him, smiled and let him place a small kiss on her cheek. He dropped her hand when Cragen walked in behind them and they watched silently as Olivia and Elliot began their interrogation.  
They played off of eachother perfectly, Elliot was timid at first, but he lost his temper quickly. It didnt take long for him to start yelling in the man's face, slamming his fists down on the table and, at one point, even throwing a chair. Cragen didnt wait long before pulling him out and demanding that Elliot go to his office. Tucker gave Casey a quick kiss and followed the two of them out, leaving Casey to watch Olivia proceed alone.

Elliot stood up when Tucker walked in, knowing that this was someone who could get him into trouble. Tucker didnt hold out his hand, but he introduced himself shortly as Cragen walked in. "Ed Tucker, IAB."

"Stabler, what the hell was that?"

"Captain, I was fine, you didnt need to-"

"I cant have perps making complaints, it could screw up entire cases, the smallest thing could get them off on a technicality."

"Captain I understand but-" Elliot looked to Tucker and stopped. "Why is he here?"

Tucker stepped foreward and cleared his throat. "I was forewarned that you had a temper, I came to see for myself. And now that I know, I'm going to be keeping a very close eye on you Stabler."

"Captain, I-"

Cragen held up a hand to stop him, "Just go finish your paperwork. Do your job Stabler."

* * *

"Case?" Tucker knocked on the door and slowly walked into her office. "You okay?"

She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Why did you tip me off to Stabler's behavior?"

She looked down and let him take her hand, "He and I have history. And I dont want to jeapordize any of our cases with behavior that cant be controlled." She stood up and took a step closer to him, looked up at him and smiled as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'm being cautious."

He smiled down at her, "Your being vindictive," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I would never be vindictive." She paused and then smiled, "Intentionally."

He laughed, "It's the prosecutor in you, always a step ahead of the people who you feel threatened by."

She giggled and pressed her lips gently to his once more. "Do you want to go get some lunch?"

"Case," he laughed slightly as he spoke, "It's four thirty, its almost dinner, not lunch."

"Oh," She laughed and glanced down at her clock. "So it is. Well then, would you like to go get dinner?"

* * *

Elliot watched as Tucker led Casey out by the hand, he looked at her with protective devotion, clearly his feelings ran deep. But he couldnt tell exactly how she felt, she allowed him to lead her, smiled at him, but she didnt quite look at Tucker the way she used to look at him. Something inside of him still held hope, if she didnt love him then Elliot still had a chance at winning her back.

Olivia touched his shoulder and he looked up at her, she was smiling but it didnt quite reach her eyes. "You really rattled him, he confessed about an hour after they pulled you out."

"Who is that Tucker guy?"

"Ed? He's IAB, he doesnt come around much, but when he's needed he can be a real hardass."

"He's seeing Casey?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows at him, "Yeah, theyve been together for about two years. Theyre even talking about marriage." She looked down at noticed the frown on Elliot's face, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

She laughed and sat down at her desk, "I wouldnt worry about it too much, he doesnt usually hang out here. He isnt the jealous type, he doesnt really worry when she's not nearby."

Elliot looked at her, knowing that her comment was directed at him. He shook his head and looked back down at his paperwork.

* * *

Elliot shut the door quietly behind him, hoping that no one was awake in the apartment, but a light flipped on almost instantly and Kathy emerged. "Elliot?"

"Yeah Kathy, it's me."

"It's late, I didnt expect you home tonight."

"Why did you stay up so late?" He walked to the kitchen to avoid her, opened up a beer and looked at her. She was leaning against the counter, arms folded over her flannel night gown.

"I guess it's just hard to sleep alone."

"Ah. So I take it your not going to like it if I crash on the couch again." He wasnt asking, it was a statement, and she definately heard it.

"Whatever Elliot. Do what you want."

He nodded, "Alright Kathy."

"Jesus El." He sighed, he should have known she wouldnt give up. "Why cant you just try to make this work, I'm trying so hard and you dont even acknowledge my efforts."

"Kathy, there isnt anything to try anymore. It's been years and we havent liked it eachother for ninety percent of it."

"We have a son Elliot-"

"Yes, but that's all we have."

Kathy sighed and shook her head. She just dropped her hands at her sides and walked back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. After a few minutes he heard it open again, heard the soft 'fwap' of blankets and pillows being tossed into the hallway, and then heard the door slam again. He couldnt help but chuckle softly to himself.

He slept soundly and woke to his son talking to Kathy, she was putting his school bag together, barely speaking and not telling him she loved him when he left for school. She followed Elliot into the bedroom and simply stood there and watched him get ready. "Do you need something Kathy?"

"How are we going to fix this Elliot?"

"Kathy," Elliot sighed and slid his hands into his pockets, "I meant what I said last night. There isnt anything to fix anymore."

She nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, she needed to get ready for work as well. He left the house while she was in the shower, not bothering to say goodbye.

He glanced in Casey's office as he walked by, she was staring at her computer screen, eyes scanning whatever was in front of her, he debated whether or not he should knock on the door, say something, make her smile. But he decided to keep walking, just go and do his job.

Casey glanced up just as Elliot was walking away, she sighed and shook her head. "I must be crazy," she said to herself. "Why do I even care that he doesnt say hi to me? Jesus Case, snap out of it. He's just another ex." She rubbed her face with her hands and looked back at her computer, returning to her work.


	4. Chapter 4

FUTURENYPD: I know its a wierd pairing BUT he really isnt all that bad lol and hes soooo convenient lol

VAMPIREPRINCESS: yesss lol just keep reading woman!

* * *

Kathy dropped a suitcase by the door and looked at him, her hands on her hips, lips pursed together in an annoyed expression. "I'm taking Alex, I dont know if you care, but your too busy to keep him here."

Elliot nodded, "Where are you guys going?"

"Brooklyn. To my mother's house." She stopped for a moment and then added, in a prissy tone. "You would know where she lived if you had ever come to meet her."

"Kathy," he sighed, "There's no need to be hateful."

"Whatever you say Elliot."

"I didnt ask you to leave."

"Your not asking me to stay either." She looked at him and her eyes softened some, "Do you want me to stay Elliot? I know how articulate you are when it comes to your feelings."

Elliot shrugged but didnt break eye contact. "I dont want to lose Alex."

"And what about me? Do you want to lose me Elliot?"

He just looked at her, didnt say a word. He had promised himself that he wouldnt lie to her, and to say yes would be a lie. She sighed and shook her head. "Answer me Elliot. I dont even care what it is anymore, I just want you to say something."

"Your the mother of my child Kathy." She narrowed her eyes at him but he continued, "I love you but not in the way you want me to love you."

"I know that, but I dont want to be anywhere but here, with you and our son." She sighed and dropped her hands to her sides, "Dont ask me to stay Elliot, just tell me you love us and want us to be with you."

"I love my family Kathy, I dont want you two to be anywhere but where I know your safe."

"Then can we just stay?"

"My answer hasn't changed from the last time you asked me that question." He shrugged on his suit jacket and walked to the door. "But I have to go to work." He planted a kiss on her forehead and gave her a reassuring smile.

She smiled in return and held the door open for him, "I'll save a plate of dinner for you."

He spent the entire commute thinking about his life. He couldnt seem to decide what he wanted, if he wanted his family or if he wanted the only woman he had ever truly loved back. He loved Kathy, perhaps enough to make a real life with her, but she would never be Casey.

He pulled into the precinct parking lot and slammed his door, then glanced up and saw Casey standing, looking at him, her eyes wide and amused.

"What?"

"Nothing, Stabler." She shook her head, her red curls bouncing with the movement. He watched her walk away from him, noticing that today's suit was just a little bit tighter and lower cut than the one from the day before. He narrowed her eyes, trying to decide if that extra sway in her hips was for him or if it was from Tucker. He shook the thought out of his head as a surge of angry jealously rushed through him. He followed her, a few feet behind, inwardly cursing himself for allowing her to affect him.

She proceeded to walk to Olivia's desk, sit down on the edge and flash a dazzling smile. "I told you Ed wanted to take me out last night right?"

Elliot, again, felt that angry jealousy welling up inside him as he listened, even the thought of Casey with another man drove him half insane. Olivia smiled and nodded, "Yeah, but you didnt tell me where."

"He didnt even tell me where." She glanced over her shoulder at Elliot but continued talking to Olivia. "I got home last night, when I walked in the house was lit up with candles and there were rosepetals everywhere."

"Oh my god..."

"It was beautiful. Dinner was amazing, very romantic."

Olivia smirked, "And how was the sex?"

Elliot could see Casey blush, but he couldnt hear what she leaned down to Olivia to say. She whispered, "He didnt even try. I might have to be the one to make the first move on that one."

Olivia laughed out loud, drawing the eyes of everyone within twenty feet. Casey smacked her across the arm, shushing her with a slight grin. "Liv, shut the hell up, your way too loud."

Liv wiped a tear from her eyes and forced herself to stop to laughing, but she couldnt hide the grin that was threatening to take over her face. "Are we still on for drinks tonight?"

"Yes!" Casey exclaimed with a huge smile, "It's thursday, where else would I be tonight?"

"Did you invite Tucker?"

"No, I did not invite Ed. I think he has a date with some new secretary in his office."

Olivia frowned, "I still dont understand how your okay with that kind of relationship."

Casey shrugged and giggled, "Neither of us want to be tied down, and if he doesnt want in my pants then he needs to get it somewhere."

Elliot choked, loudly, on his coffee when he heard that statement. Both of the girls stopped talking and looked at him, then broke out into giggles. Elliot was taken back to high school, watching Liv and Casey giggled in English, listening to them gossip over dinner. He shook his head and Casey stood. "Time to get back to work."

* * *

Casey sat down next to Liv and smiled over at Alex. "Hey Alex, how's work going?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "I'm just going to start my own firm. I'm so sick of these idiotic men who want to run these firms, I mean really, it's beginning to get ridiculous."

Liv smiled and said "She gets hit on alot at work lately."

Casey laughed and shook her head. She looked up as Elliot appeared by her side, "You ladies want anything to drink?"

Alex asked for some fruity mixed drink, Liv just wanted a bear, but Casey shocked everyone by asking for three shots of jack. Elliot raised his eyebrows at her and asked if she was sure, but she just stared at him, her eyes sparkling with amusement. He turned and walked away, returning a few minutes later with Liv and Alex's drinks, but Casey didnt make him take a second trip. He followed her to the bar and watched her take her shots, one after another after another. He looked at her, astonished, and she laughed. "Oh El, dont look so shocked."

He pushed to the bar, to stand by her, "I didnt think you would take shots like that. I figured you would drink like that girl that Liv is sitting with."

Casey laughed again and shook her head. "That's Alex. You really didnt recognize her?"

"What?" Elliot looked back again and narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. "Yeah, I guess that is her."

"You didnt know they were still together?" She laughed, "You and your partner are real close huh?"

He looked at her, not sure if he should be amused by her joking tone or if he should be worried that she was already drunk. "Have you been drinking for a while?"

She giggled and whispered in his ear, "I have been drinking for a few hours now. I party as hard as I can, then pretend I dont when I'm at work."

He laughed, genuinly entertained by her soft, slurring voice, she wasn't much different when she was drinking from when she was sober. And he suddenly realized that he had let her walk out of his life before they even got to have a glass of champagne together.

But he didnt have the chance to dwell on it for long. Casey was already ordering more shots, jegger this time, and throwing them back like they were nothing. He grinned at her as she offered him a shot, calling him chicken when he hesitated. He took it from her, did it quickly but didnt ask for another as she ordered another three. At this point he had watched her take nine shots, he led her away from the bar, trying to distract her from the opportunity for any more.

"Elliot!" She nearly yelled behind him, he turned to look at her and was shocked to see her staring with tears in her eyes. "Why didnt you ever call me? You showed up to my graduation and didnt even say a word to me. Why didnt you keep loving me?"

"Case-"

But she wasnt listening. She was walking to the table, grabbed her purse, said a few quick goodbyes and took off for the door. He followed her, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone, but he did notice that Olivia was watching him leave after her with watchful eyes.

"Casey!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her to a sharp stop, causing her to swing around, into him. "Wait, talk to me."

"I sat up at night, hoping you would come find me, you would come and take me home. But yoiu never did and now you have a kid with that Kathy woman."

"How do you know about Kathy?"

"She called the wrong number today, my office number."

"Casey, I wanted you to come back to me, but I knew you deserved better, it wouldnt have been right of me to hold you back."

"No," her tears were flowing freely now, and she was trying to pull away from him, "You didnt want me. All you wanted was to be gone, to be back in-wherever the hell you were. You wouldnt even look at me after I lost the baby. I needed you and you werent there for me. There have been so many times that I needed you, and you werent there."

"Case-"

"I still need you," She stopped fighting him and looked to the ground. "I still need you, and it kills me a little more every day."

He put his hands on her arms, holding her steady, and kissed the top of her head. "Let me take you home." She nodded and stood silent as he hailed a cab. He helped her in and then asked her if it was the same house, she nodded and he told the driver the address. "You remember my address?"

He nodded, "I could never forget it, not even when I wanted to."

She looked at him, something flashed through her eyes, but it disappeared quickly. He was just glad here eyes didnt look dead anymore, they had life in them again. He sat with her, silently observing her behavior, the confident way she swung her hair over her shoulder, the slight frown that she quickly erased, still preferring to keep emotions to herself. When they got to her house he paid the cab driver and helped her to the door, silently guiding her up the stairs, allowing her to unlock the door and helping her inside. She stopped at the hallway and looked up at him, he could see her fighting with herself, silently arguing her next move. He just wanted to kiss her, to press his lips to hers and erase every thought she was clinging to. She opened her mouth to say something, but he didnt let her. He crushed his mouth to hers, pulling her roughly against him, smothering all reasonable thoughts she had. Fire burned between them, passion igniting and sending jolts of electricity through their lips. But he didnt try to take it any further, when she gently broke her lips away from his he simply looked down at her, astonished by his actions and her reaction.

He guided her to her bedroom and began rifling through her dresser for pajamas. He found a drawer full of flannel pajamas and handed her a pair of pink and purple pants and a small white shirt. She changed in the bathroom and came out a few minutes later, looking at him with a curious expression. His eyes roamed over her body and they fell on long scar that fell across her side, from the top of her left ribcage down below her hip. It looked like it was only a few months old, still pink and puckered against her skin. "Casey," he took a step closer to her, "What is that?"

She ran a hand over it, as if trying to erase it, "Just a mistake."

He narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if he should push the issue or just let it go. He took her hand and pulled her to him again, she relaxed against his chest, matching her breathing to his, and he whispered to her, "What mistake Case?"

She just shook her head againt him. "It's done now, it doesnt matter anymore."

Suddenly he understood what she meant when she said she had needed him, she had needed help and he was too stubborn to just follow her, if he could have swallowed his pride all those years ago then she would never have had to suffer through whatever , or whoever, it was that left that awful mark on her. "I'm so sorry Casey." He pulled her closer to him, holding her tightly, his arms wrapped around her slender body. "I should have never let you go. I should have dragged you back to me, kicking and screaming if I had to."

She looked up at him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Stay with me?"


	5. Chapter 5

VAMPIREPRINCESS: keep reading. thats the answer to ALL your questions. nosy nosy nosy lmao

FUTURENYPD: i hope your talking about Alex the son lol not Alex the attorney. Elliot's son is almost ten, I'll do a birthday chapter pretty soon here, I'm working on it lmao

* * *

"Do you think he caught up with her?"

Olivia looked at Alex and nodded, "Yeah, and I'm sure she's fine. Even when she drinks, she's got a good head on her, she wont get stupid." Olivia twirled a strand of Alex's, chocolate brown hair around her finger. "I'm not sure if I like this better than the blonde, but I do like it."

Alex smiled, she understood why Elliot hadn't recognized her. She was tan now, not too tan, but definately not the pastey white she had been most of her life. She was definately changed, she looked like a completely different, and much bonier, person. Spending eight months in Arizona had truly made more than a few differences in her. "Are you glad I'm back?"

Olivia nodded, "Yes, I wasnt sure how it was going to be when you got back, but I dont think this will be nearly as hard as last time." Alex gave her a smile, sad but reassuring.

"It wont be. I made alot of progress, it might not come back this time."

Olivia gave her a sweet smile and kissed her gently. "Lets hope not."

* * *

Casey woke up the next morning, strong arms were wrapped around her, holding her close to a rock hard body. Her breath caught as she remembered last night, her tears, his lips, asking him to stay. She wiggled herself around in his arms, trying, unsuccessfully, to wake him up. He opened his eyes slightly and tightened his grip on her.

"Elliot?" He made a small noise of acknowledgement, "I am so sorry."

His eyes opened fully now but he didnt loosen his grip. "For what?"

"Kathy-"

"Kathy isnt what is important to me."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"She lives with me because we have a nine, almost ten, year old son. We havent been together since the night he was concieved. It was a mistake of me to sleep with her, we were in a bar, I was out with my buddies from the police academy, I got drunk and she was there, all over me, I didnt think." He shook his head. "She isnt supposed to be the mother of my child, but she is and I have a responsibility to take care of Alex, my son, and help take care of her."

Casey nestled her head against him, pressing her forehead to Elliot's collar bone. "And Ed-"

"He doesnt deserve you."

Her eyes widened suddenly as she looked up at him, "Elliot, did we...last night?"

He shook his head, "No, you just asked me to hold you, to stay. So I did."

She nodded and returned her head to his chest. "Would you have stayed if I hadn't asked?"

"I would have stayed, slept on the couch, just been here to make sure you were alright."

She nodded slightly and glanced at her alarm clock. She knew she would have to get up to get ready for work soon, but she couldnt bring herself to leave his arms. She could feel his breath on the top of her head, a gentle reminder of how they used to be, his arms were bigger than they had been, but they still enveloped her in a way that made her feel completely safe, protected, supported. She wanted to kiss him, to kiss his chest, his neck, his jaw, to press her lips to his and let him devour her. She looked up at him, gauging his mood so she knew what he would do. But he beat her to it. He pressed his lips to hers, gently at first, but as she reacted, kissed him back, his urgency and possessiveness grew. It wasnt long before he had an arm wrapped around her waist and a hand pressed her the back of her neck, keeping her close to him. She could feel his body tightening as he took in the feel of her, reliving so many moments that both of them had obviously missed.

But he didnt take it any further than the one kiss. When she pulled away slightly, taking in a deep, shaking breath, and looked at him. He could see the tears that were so close to falling from her eyes, he smiled as if to tell her it was alright. "Go get ready for work, Case. Were going to be late."

She nodded and got up quickly, partly wanting to give herself some distance from him, partly realizing how little time she had to shower and get ready.

When she got out of the shower, Elliot was sitting on the edge of her bed (he had made it for her, tucking in the corners as he had done in the military. She knew the habits they picked up in the military were hard to kill, but she didnt think he would have made the bed for her at all. Most mornings she wouldnt even make the bed.

She stood, her hair dripping and a small black towel wrapped around her body, and stared at him. "I called Liv." She raised her brows at him, "Told her that you were running late, and I was going to pick you up on the way since I was late too."

"Oh," Casey nodded in understanding, but still stood staring at him.

He stood up and walked to her, "Casey?" He looked down at her, worried, "What is it?"

She shook her head, not trusting her voice to say what was in her head and not her heart. "Casey, please tell me whats wrong?"

"Elliot-" Her voice cracked, and tears broke free of her eyes. She raised her hands to cover her face but he stopped her, holding her hands in his own. "Elliot, I cant go through all of that again. I cant-"

"Casey, tell me whats wrong. Not what you think you should say, whats actually wrong."

She looked up at him and just started talking. "I want to tell you to leave, to go away and not come back, to let me keep going like I have been these past thirteen years. I want so bad to just make you leave. But all I want is you here with me. And I cant tell you to go because I dont trust myself to not run after you, and-" Elliot pressed his lips to hers, not gently, roughly trying to quiet her and satisfy their need for eachother and to banish all of her fears all at once. She wrapped her arms around him instantly, desperately trying to bring his body closer to her own. He brought his hands to her back, pulling her to him quickly and stood up to his full height, lifting her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around him and broke the kiss to gasp for air, to look down at him, to assure herself that it was really him holding her and not some guy that she was using as a substitute as she had before. He walked back to the bed and dropped her on it, her towel bouncing free as her body hit the mattress. He looked down at her for a moment and then knelt over her, bringing the entire length of his body along hers. He caught her lips again but only for a moment. His hand ran along her thigh, up her hips, over her waist and to her already hardened nipple as his lips moved to her jaw and down her neck and shoulder. She inhaled sharply, realizing how much different this was with him, how much better it was just knowing he was near. He lovingly worshipped her with his lips, kissing his way from her shoulders to her nipples, letting his teeth gently brush across them, nipping at them playfully. He kissed her stomach, her hips, her thighs, down to her ankles and then back up to her lower lips. She gasped as he licked her, her back arched and her hands grasping at the comforter in an effort to keep her wits about her. But she soon lost focus on everything but the sensations coursing through her, the immense pleasure that was desperately pushing her to an edge that she didnt know she could even reach.

But he stopped before she could get any closer, he slipped a finger inside her, slowly moving it inside her to keep her writhing beneath him, and brought his lips back to hers. She kissed him fiercly, her rougher approach to his kiss telling him to stop being so gentle. He could feel her hands pulling at his belt, undoing it and his pants quickly. He froze as he felt her hand slip into his boxers and grasp his member, squeezing slightly, encouraging him to get closer as she was. He slid the finger out of her and pulled away quickly, she looked up at him, nothing but need in her eyes. She really didnt know what she was doing to him. He stood again and reached over to her, grasping her waist and pulling her towards the edge of the bed. He flipped her over, not bothering to be gentle or slow anymore, and rested his hand on the small of her back, holding her there, head down, ass up. He pulled his hard member out and slid it into her, she moaned loudly, and came instantly. But he didnt let that stop him, he began moving inside her, reached a hand under her and brought her up so she was on her hands and knees. He knelt over her, still moving, and he could hear her moans and whimpers growing, her hand found his and she wrapped her fingers tightly in his as she moaned his name. He held back as long as he could, coming as she reached the height of her orgasm.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, bent over and clutching eachother, panting and whispering breathless emotions that had laid dormant for too long. He slid out of her gently and picked her up, carrying her to the bathroom and running the shower again. He kissed her sweetly as he helped her step into the water, held her up as he got in behind her. Her legs were still weak and shaking, but she leaned against him and breathed in his scent, finding that just his presence here with her, the fact that he didnt leave when he was done, gave her hope for what they had lost.

* * *

Olivia smiled at Casey as she walked in, Elliot slightly behind her, his hand on the small of her back. They walked away from eachother after a brief look, and Olivia walked casually into Casey's office as Elliot went to his desk.

"What was that all about?"

Casey looked up at her, but didnt say anything. Olivia closed the door and sat down. "He never left your house last night, did he?" Casey shook her head and Olivia laughed. "I figured, but I covered your guys' asses anyway."

"Thank you."

"So, you dont look happy, what's wrong?"

Casey looked at her and sighed. "Ed."

"Tucker?" Casey nodded. "You havent even slept with him yet, how complicated could he really make things for you guys?"

Casey just shook her head, "I dont know." She looked up at Olivia, "Besides, he's living with another woman and he has a son with her. A ten year old son named Alex."

"Is he married?" Casey shook her head, "Is he sleeping with her?" Casey shook her head again. "Then she's nothing to worry about."

"How do you know that?"

"Because, he still loves you, he probably isnt even thinking about her."  
"How do you know?"

"I can see it when he looks at you. He hasnt changed that much you know, and the way he feels about you has definately not changed. Trust it, go with it, I know you still love him, so let him win you back. Dont fight this too hard Case. It's not worth it."

Casey nodded. "Your right." She looked up at Liv and smiled. "How's Alex?"

Olivia smiled, "She's good. What did you think of the new color? She's trying something new."

Casey laughed, "Yeah, I saw that. Looks like she got some sun too."

"Yeah, for that last few weeks she was outside alot, I guess they figured the sunshine would be good for her."

"It looks like it did her alot of good, whatever works I guess. Does she have to go back?"

"So far it doesnt look like it, but she has appointments every week now, but if she keeps doing well then she'll be able to get back into law pretty soon here. I think thats the only thing that keeps her going sometimes, the passion she has for her work."

"No, Liv you keep her going too. She doesnt want to hurt you any more than all of this has, she would do anything to keep from having to leave you. You know that."

"Yeah, I do." She stood up and smiled at Casey, "Well, luck to the both of us then huh? I'm going to get back to work."

Casey laughed and waved her out of the office. She dialed her office voicemail and listened to the messages, two were from Ed, asking to take her out tonight. She listened to the last four and then dialed Ed's number. She accepted his invitation, their conversation short and polite like it always was, and when she hung up she wanted to kick herself. She could see Elliot through the opening in her door, and she couldnt help but wonder what the hell she was supposed to do.


	6. Chapter 6

FUTURENYPD: read...lol you'll have to wait a while for the birthday. and youll see with Alex :)

JENNIFERTVGIRL: yeah...I'm loving the way Kathy is playing out. I get to write her as the desperate crazy that i think she really is ;)

VAMPIREPRINCESS: woman you are impatient! lol youll find out soon enough! gosh. :D

* * *

Alex closed her eyes and tried to keep her breathing even. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, trying to keep her breathing steady, but she couldn't hide it from Olivia.

"Lex?" Olivia knelt in front of her, hands on Alex's knees, "Are you okay?"

Alex nodded and looked down at her. She could barely catch her breath enough to speak, and when she spoke it came out a hoarse whisper, "I'm sorry, I-"

Olivia shook her head and gently kissed her. "Come on, i want to drive you to your doctor. I dont want to ignore anything." Olivia tried to help her up, but Alex couldnt seem to balance, she stumbled when she stepped and her eyes were glazed and out of focus. Olivia set her jaw and scooped Alex up into her arms. She had always been able to carry her, but now it was so much easier. She carried her Alex out of the building, downstairs and to the car. She got Alex buckled and ran around to the other door, she flipped on her siren and light, knowing she could get fired if someone found out, and took off down the street.

Half an hour later, Liv sat in a hospital waiting room, holding her head in her hands and waiting for any word from the doctors.

* * *

Casey sipped her red wine, desperately wanting something stronger but knowing how Ed would feel about what she usually drank. he never told her no, but he didnt encourage her usual partying habits. She stared at him over the top of her glass, trying to figure out what he was waiting for. They were in public, in a high class place none the less, but she was tired of waiting around for him to behave like a grown up. "When are you going to try to fuck me, Ed?"

He nearly choked on his dinner, she seemed to be having this effect on alot of men lately. He swallowed his food and stared at her. "Casey, I wanted to move slowly with you. Your more than just a temp at my office or some random girl I met at a starbucks. I want it to be special, I want us to work and rushing into having sex is not the way I see that happening."

She rolled her eyes and looked down at her plate, she nodded slowly and sighed. "Alright, well, I've been seeing you for three months, and if this isn't too slow for you then I'm really the wrong girl for you." She stood up, hoping he would try to stop her, but he just looked at her. She shook her head and laughed, people in the restauraunt were staring, looking at the woman who didnt want to just take things slowly, she dropped two twenties on the table and walked away, making sure that there was some extra swing in her step.

She got outside and texted Elliot.

'Busy?'

He replied almost instantly, 'Not at all, thought you had a date.'

'Got cut short, can we meet up? I need a drink, to let loose and wind down. What do you think?'

'Sounds good, I'll come get you. Where are you?'

'Restaraunt in the Waldorf.'

He sent back a quick okay, that he was on his way, and she closed her phone. She couldnt go anywhere, she had told him to pick her up here. She walked to a small cafe across the street and ordered a cup of coffee. As she waited she sat by the window and watched the people on the street. She watched as people walked in and out of the hotel, her eyes widened as she watched Ed leave with another woman, a short blonde who looked as if she could barely stand without his help. She walked out of the little cafe when she saw Elliot's car pull up in the waiting area, she didnt say anything to him, just got in the passenger seat and smiled at him. He raised his eyebrows at her and she simply said "You were right about Ed."

He smirked at her and pulled the car out of the small driveway. "So, where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere that I can get a jack and some Jegger."

He grinned at her and nodded. "Alright, Crazy Joe's it is."

* * *

Olivia looked up when she heard Alex's name. "Yes," she siad quickly, "I'm her partner. What's going on? How is she?"

The doctor sighed and looked down at his clipboard, "I'm afraid it's not good. Would you like to step into her room while we explain to her what is going on?"

Olivia nodded and followed the doctor to Alex's room. She sat down next to Alex on the edge of the bed and took her hand, holding it tightly in her own. Alex gave her a small smile and they looked to the doctor for his explanation.

"I'm afraid the cancer spread, we didnt see it because we were focused on other areas. We found legions in your lungs, we're afraid it could spread to your heart." His voice drifted off as Alex squeezed Olivia's hand. She looked up at Liv, her heart twisting in pain as she watched the love of her life focusing intently on this doctor for her sake, feeling instantly sorry as she watched Olivia's muscles in her jaw clenching in a desperate attempt to stay strong for her. When the doctor was done talking he stood silent for a moment, waiting for any questions, then walked out, leaving Alex and Olivia by themselves in the little yellow hospital room.

"Liv, I-"

"We're going to get through this Lex. I promise you, we can do this."

She nodded but tears rolled down her cheeks, "Yes, but it isn't fair of me to ask this of you, to ask you to stay by me through all of this."

"Your not asking me, I would do it whether you asked me to or not."

Alex sobbed quietly as Olivia held her, she had been fighting this cancer for the past five years, and Olivia had been completely oblivious to it for the first year. It didnt come to her attention until Alex needed chemotherapy and could no longer hide her failing health from her. They had seen countless wigs, had spent large amounts of time apart, practically died and been brought back to life too many times to recall. "Baby, we can do this. Your stronger than you'll ever realize, I know you can push through this."

"No," Alex wiped the tears from her face and shook her head. "I'm only strong because you need me to be. You are my strength Liv. Only you, your my reason for living." She clung to Olivia, praying silently that Liv would never leave her. She couldnt imagine doing this alone.

Olivia laid down next to Alex on the tiny hospital bed, she looked down at her, her big blue eyes seeming so much bigger without the mass of blonde curls to frame them, her cheekbones jutting out of her skin, her collarbones threatening to tear through the fragile skin that stretched thinly across her bones.

* * *

Elliot slammed Casey against a wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, their lips locked in a powerful kiss that neither of them seemed to be able to stop. Casey had her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to her, loving the sensations of being crushed between his chest and the wall. His hand slid up her bare leg and shoved her skirt up higher than it already was. He broke the kiss and she closed her eyes, still panting as he sucked on her neck and shoulder. His hands played at the hem of her skirt, which barely covered her ass when she was standing, her purple tank top had ridden up, so that it rested across her ribcage.

He stopped suddenly and she was brought back to earth by her phone vibrating in her bra, the only place she had been able to put it without asking Ed to carry it for her. She pulled it out impatiently, intending to turn it off, but she recognized the number of the hospital and her mood completely changed. She flipped it open and answered quickly. Elliot rested his head on her shoulder, still supporting her body, not letting her down while she talked.

"Hello?...When?...Do you want me to-Yes, I can be there in an hour if you need me...Elliot is with me...Really...Alright, I'll see you soon." She hung up her phone and looked at Elliot. "Liv and Alex need us."

He raised his eyebrows, "Now?"

She nodded, "Now."

* * *

Nearly an hour later she heard Casey's voice as she sat in the waiting room. She looked up and saw the bright red hair, a pink pullover hoodie and a pair of deep blue jeans and sneakers running towards her. She looked behind Casey and saw Elliot following closely behind, hands in his pockets, a concerned look playing on his face.

Casey sat down next to Olivia and pulled her into a crushing hug instantly. "I brought you clothes, just a sweater and some jeans and a toothbrush."

Olivia nodded and buried her face in Casey's neck. Tears began to flow instantly, she had to be strong for Alex but right now she wasn't with Alex and she needed to get these emotions out of her before she went insane. "Case...It's back. In her lungs, They finally got rid of it in her stomach and now its in her lungs. I'm so afraid that shes going to...to..."

Casey shushed her gently and pulled her closer to her body, "It'll be fine. Alex is so strong, she'll pull through this. You know she will, she's not going to leave you. You two have been together since your sophemore year of high school, almost sixteen years, she's not going to leave you now."

Elliot frowned, "She didnt tell me you two were still together when she reported her-" He stopped himself and set his jaw. Both women looked up at him, questioning him with their eyes.

Casey was first to speak. "What El? When she what?"

Elliot sighed and pulled a chair up in front of the girls. "A few nights after your graduation Case, I got a call from Cragen, when he was still a detective, Alex called in a rape but wouldnt talk to anyone but me. So I went in to take her statement." He sighed again and looked at the ground, then back up at Olivia, the pain in her eyes made it impossible to keep eye contact with her, so he looked at Casey instead. "It turns out a doctor was abusing her, she freaked out and called 911 but then didnt want to press charges. We finally convinced her and the doctor went away for fourteen years, he'll be out in four months."

"Why didnt you say anything to her the other night?" Olivia's voice was shaking, desperately trying to get hold of what she was hearing.

"I didnt recognize her. The brown hair makes her look like someone completely different. I didnt really realize who you were sitting with until I said goodbye to you, but by then I was pretty distracted."

Casey put a hand on his knee, her other hand wrapped in Olivia's. "We dont need to tell her that we talked about this. She doesnt need this right now, and we need to be strong for her. We're her family now, she needs us."

Olivia nodded and put her head back on Casey's shoulder. "She's in surgery. We decided that we wanted it done as soon as possible, so theyre going to try to pull out as much of the cancer as they can. Then she'll probably go back to Arizona."


	7. Chapter 7

BROWNIESTICK: lol i do love the Alex abuse, last story I loved the Casey abuse...I go through moods ;)

VAMPIREPRINCESS: yeah, my bad, lol it was late and I was writing on a four hour drive back to vegas. not fun lol but i fixed it for you :) and no one ever said she was going to die. people recover from cancer all the time lol

FUTURENYPD: lol I cant let you think your THAT smart ;) but Ed is stupid, I just see some uses for him lmao

JENNIFERTVGIRL: dont be sad yet!

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"I just dont think it's going to work Ed. I have alot of affection for you, you really helped me get through last year, but I need something else that you cant give me."

He crossed his arms and looked down at her. "I dont think your being open minded enough for us to have a chance Casey."

"Ed," she sighed, "We started seeing eachother ten months ago, and you never once went any further than a peck on the lips. But you can fuck all of those girls you work with? That's not exactly my idea of how I want a relationship to progress."

"You were sleeping with other men too. Is this one of those female 'you-need-to-marry-me-or-I'm-leaving' kindof moments?"

She laughed and shook her head, "No, Ed, your much more of a woman in this relationship than I am."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Who is he?"

"He?"

"The guy, you've been fine with this relationship for ten months, who is it that is offering you something better?"

She laughed again, "Oh Ed. Maybe I just dont want to be a part of something that I know is going no where. It's better to end it now, before there's any serious committment."

"I am committed Casey."

"No, Ed, your not. If you were then we wouldnt be having this conversation right now."

He nodded at her and closed his eyes. "Alright." She let him kiss her cheek and walk out of her office. She sat down and ran her hand through her hair, she hadn't expected that to be such a difficult conversation. Ed really had been there for her through alot, he had been with her when her father died, he had helped her get her job with SVU, he had taken care of her when no one else was there to keep her going. She couldnt help but feel like she was letting a large chapter of her life end, like he was walking away from her and she simply wouldn't see him again.

______________________________________________________________________________

Olivia looked up as the doctor walked towards her. She stood instantly, shaking his hand and waiting uncertainly for him to say anything.

"I'm Doctor Allen, I was Alex's physician at the treatment center in Arizona. You'r Olivia, right?"

"Yes, how is she?"

"She's out of surgery, but she needs to stay for a few weeks before we can transport her back to the treatment center. It doesnt look good, and I'm not sure we can get it all out. It's progressed alot further than we thought, she needs to go back into chemo-"

"She cant do that. She cant survive another bout of treatment."

"We'll all sit down and talk in a few hours, we can sort it all out then." He looked down at his clipboard, "Olivia, you are aware she gave you power of attorney, correct?"

Olivia shook her head, "No."

"If anything happens, we'll need you to be here. Is that possible for you?"

"Yes," Olivia nodded, "If I'm not here then I'm only a phone call away."

Dr Allen nodded. "She should be waking up soon, I'm sure she would want you to be there when she wakes."

Olivia nodded and followed him down the hall. She sat down next to Alex and held her hand, she sighed and laid her head down, resting it on their hands.

Alex woke quietly, looking for Olivia instantly. "Liv?"

Olivia's head shot up instantly, "Lex? How are you feeling?"

Alex gave her a small smile and shook her head slowly, "I'm not even sure yet. My chest hurts so bad Liv, I keep thinking I'm dying."

"Lex, dont say that baby. It'll be okay. I promise." Olivia brushed her thumb across Alex's cheek and wiped the tears away from her face, "Your going to be okay."

Alex nodded and closed her eyes, she squeezed Liv's hand and drifted back into sleep.

Olivia stayed next to her, woke her up gently when Dr Allen needed to talk to them. Alex came to her full awareness quickly, smiling weakly at Olivia and her doctor.

"How are you feeling Alex?"

She shrugged, "The pain meds are working. I dont feel much of anything."

He smiled at her, "Always making jokes." His smile faded quickly though, which told Olivia that it was only bad news that he was delivering. "We're going to wait a few weeks before moving you back to the center. You'll need to stay here, focus on getting rest and feeling better. I think we need to prepare you for another bout of chemo, keep a sharp eye on how your doing."

"No." Alex shook her head and looked at Liv. "I cant do chemo again. I dont want it. I dont want to go back to Arizona."

"Lex, baby, this isnt going to go away on its own."

"I know, but it's out of my hands. God has a plan, and if this is part of it, then who am I to say no? It's all for a reason Liv, and I dont want to go to Arizona, to be sick like that again. I cant do it."

"Baby, you'll die without it."

"It'll kill me faster than the cancer will Liv. You know I'm right."

Dr Allen cleared his throat and Alex looked at him. "Miss Novak, Alex, I cant say you'll live for a year without the chemo."

"I could step out of my home and get hit by a car any day, I say a year sounds like a pretty good chance."

Olivia couldnt help but laugh, she knew Alex was completely serious, but that made it even funnier. She couldnt tell if the laughter was caused by the real humor in Alex's statement of if it was a way to cope with the fact that Alex was dying and she refused treatment.

______________________________________________________________________________

Casey looked up sharply as her office flew open. Munch barely had time to breath before telling her that she needed to get to the interrogation room. Casey walked quickly, she didnt see Elliot so she assumed he was the reason everyone was so worked up. She looked into the interrogation room and was shocked at what she saw. Elliot was slumped against the wall, barely concious, and Fin was trying to get the man that they had in with them to keep still. Casey stood off to the side as four uniformed officers rushed to Fin's aid, and she edged past them to go to Elliot.

"El? Elliot?" He looked at her, but he didnt seem to register her kneeling next to him at first. "Elliot, please say something, please?"

"Casey?"

She nearly laughed with relief as he looked at her, "Why are you in here?" He looked to the crowd of men walking out the door, they could still hear the man cursing at the top of his lungs. "Did he hurt you?"

Casey smiled as he brought a hand up to her face and sat up straighter, "No, but he hurt you. Sit still, we called the EMT's already and your not getting out of this by saying your fine and going back to work. They need to check you out."

"Stay with me?"

She sat down next to him, leaning up against the wall and resting her head on his shoulder. "I should be working right now."

"No, you should be right where you are, with me." She looked up at him, he was staring at the ceiling, his thumb gently caressing her hand.

She stood when the EMT's walked in but didnt leave, she stood a few feet away, where he could see her. It didnt take them long to decide he was fine and didnt need to be taken to a hospital. They told him to take some asparin for the headache he would have and to drink alot of water, but other than that he was perfectly fine. Casey helped him up, using her entire body weight to pull him up. "No wonder your so stubborn, your head is hard as a rock."

He laughed at her and kissed the top of her head.

"Stabler!" They looked up as Cragen called them, interrupting the moment that was building between them. He looked down at Casey and shrugged, then walked away from her, into Cragen's office.

Casey took the opportunity to send a quick text to Olivia. 'How is she?'

She got a reply almost immediately. 'Refusing any more chemo, not good.'

'Want me to come visit?'

'Later.'

Casey sighed and walked back to her office. She knew that Alex refusing the chemo would end badly, they would lose her, but it would take time, they still had a shot at convincing her to go back to Arizona and continue her treatment.

______________________________________________________________________________

Casey gave a Alex a hug and kissed her cheek. "You look radiant, as always." Alex laughed but Casey continued, "I hate you for it you know, your so beautiful even when your sick, I'm so jealous." She spread a beautiful pink and white blanket over Alex and smiled at her, "Preset."

"Case, you bought this?"

"Shit no, I made that. You are laying underneath eight yards of patchwork love baby!"

They all laughed at that, Casey stood proud looking at the blanket she made. "I didnt even know you could sew," Olivia said quietly.

"She didnt," Elliot put in, "Until about two nights ago. I'm shocked she got it done."

Casey smacked him playfully and sat down at the end of the bed. She reached over and took Alex's hand in her own, "So how are you feeling?"

Alex shook her head and sighed, "Fine, they should let me go home."

Olivia sighed and stood up, she walked out of the room, mumbling under her breath, Elliot followed.

"Liv?" He touched her arm, "You okay?"

"No," She shook her head and looked at him, "No I'm not. She's going to fucking die because she keeps refusing treatment. I dont know what I'm going to do without her. And tomorrow I'm not going to be here. I have to go to work tomorrow. What the hell am I supposed to do Elliot?"

"Support her." He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "She needs you, she needs to know that your going to love her no matter what. This is her choice, she needs you to respect that and to stand by her."

Olivia nodded and gave a short laugh, "I just cant believe this. It was supposed to be gone, and it just came back in a different place, a place that could kill her."

"But being angry isnt really the way to deal with it. Right?"


	8. Chapter 8

FUTURENYPD: i have this bad habit of writing at like three am...im tired lol leave me alone. im gonna start trying to write while the sun is up :D maybe ill make less name mistakes LMAO

VAMPIREPRINCESS: you are SO IMPATIENT lol dont sniffle at me, and dont tap fingers at me either, or im gonna start doing the whole one-chap-a-week thing lol

JENNIFERTVGIRL: NO!!!! lololol i was writing REALLy late and at first I started writing for a switch but i deleted like four paragraphs and went back and the name just stuck and and IM SORRY lol *sad faces* writer's fail...i know :D

Casey looked up sharply as she heard a fist pounding, loudly, on her door. She recognized the knock instantly, it was a cop. She didnt know who, but it was someone who was used to knocking down doors. She sighed and snapped her book closed. She laid it aside gently and stood, looking towards the door. Whoever it was couldnt seem to wait, she jumped as they knocked again, this time louder and with more force.

"Alright!" She yelled as she walked quickly toward the door, "I'm coming!" She swung it open and Elliot stood, staring down at her, anger evident in his eyes. "Elliot?" She reached a hand out to him but stopped, his muscles were tense and she could almost see him quivering with the effort of keeping still. "Do you want to come inside?"

He pushed past her and she shut the door quietly, "Your the one that called Tucker? You told him that I have a violent streak and to keep an eye on me?"

"El, I-"

"I almost got suspended today Casey!" She blinked at him, she hadn't known what they had kept him in Cragen's office for. "If I fuck up again I'm gonna get kicked off this unit. I havent even solved a case yet!"

"Elliot, I'm so sorry. When I called him-it was before all of this, before us-I didnt know he would actually do anything-"

"Casey, I could have lost my job, because you were being spiteful?"

She looked at him, the anger was dying out of his eyes, but he was still tense and that made her nervous. "I'm sorry, I really am, I dont know what I was thinking. I was just so caught up in seeing you and realizing that I never stopped loving you and wanting you and-"

He didnt let her finish, he pressed his lips to hers, crushing her words with his mouth. She melted into him instantly, allowing him to support her body with his arms. He lifted her up quickly and she wrapped her legs around his waist as she cupped his face in her hands. She could still feel his anger, it flowed through their lips, penetrating her to the core. She clung to him, hoping that he would feel how sorry she was, hoping that he would forgive her and they could get past her misjudgement. He leaned her up against a wall and pressed his body to hers, she fumbled with his tie, pulling it off as he slipped his hand up her shirt to carress her back. He quickly untied her sweats and pulled her away from the wall, he looked at her for a moment, and she waved down the hall, he took the impatient movement as direction to her bedroom. He found it, after opening two wrong doors and nearly walking into a closet, and dropped her on the bed. He pulled her sweats off her body sharply, not bothering to lavish kisses on her as he did it. He leaned over her and she pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans, she didnt bother with the buttons, she simply pulled it open, ripping buttons off and sending them flying across her room. He shrugged the shirt off quickly as she pulled at his pants. He slid them off and pressed himself against her, their bodies touching from head to toes.

"El..." She whispered against his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment then looked down at her.

"I want to hate you right now," he said quietly, he propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at her, "But I cant."

She shook her head gently, "I dont want you to hate me."

"I love you too much to hate you." Her eyes flew open at his words, a tear sat dangerously close to falling from her eye, he sighed and pressed a small kiss to her lips. He took the moment to position himself between her legs and push slowly inside her, then began his slow rythm, watching as Casey came closer and closer to reaching her edge. It didnt take them long to finish, Elliot laid on top of her, trying to grasp what he had just said to her, why she had cried, what had changed between them.

"El?" She whispered in his ear. He made a small sound of acknowledgment, "I am truly sorry-"

"It doesnt matter Case. Tucker is nothing."

"I'm not talking about Ed, Elliot." He looked at her now, pulling her close to him as he rolled onto his side, he waited for her to continue patiently. "Everything that happened, the miscarriage, the divorce, leaving you...I'm so sorry for all of that, I cant believe I did all of that."

"You were just doing what made you happy, Case, it's alright."

She shook her head and looked down at his chest, avoiding his eyes. "No, I was making my father happy. I just wanted a break, not to lose you completely."

He blinked in astonishment, he hadn't known it was her father who had helped her get the papers done and pushed through so fast. "Casey..." He wanted to tell her that she never lost him, that he always had been, and always would be, hers. But he couldnt bring himself to say it, not knowing that Kathy and Alex were waiting for him, that he had responsibilities besides taking care of her, he just couldnt allow himself to run the risk of not being able to completely give himself to her. She deserved more than just a few pieces of him. "Dont be sorry." He finally said. Three words to cover up his entire heart, to make her think that he could live wihtout her, to lie to the one woman he would ever truly love.

She looked up at him, frowning, obviously expecting something different. She pushed away from him and went to her dresser, she pulled out a pink sweatsuit and went to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. She emerged about twenty minutes later, her red hair half dried from the shower, laying on her shoulders, bright against the baby pink sweatshirt she had on. He looked at her, knowing she was going to go out he got up and pulled on his clothes. She walked with him to the door, locked it behind them and let him walk her downstairs. She hailed a cab and got in without saying goodbye. She told the cabbie which hospital to take her to and tried not to look back at Elliot as they pulled away.

"Casey, what are you doing here?" Alex sat up, she had good color in her cheeks and seemed to be in a much better mood than the last time Casey saw her.

"I just thought I would come see you. Liv isnt here?"

Alex shook her head. "She wasnt sleeping, just sitting there watching over me. It took three nurses and two security guards but we finally got her to go home." Alex smiled, "I doubt she's sleeping though. She's probably just waiting to come back."

Casey laughed and sat down next to Alex. She touched Alex's cheek gently and looked at her, "How are you feeling?"

"Actually, I am feeling much better. Still a little shakey but theres definate improvement."

"Still refusing treatment?" Alex nodded and Casey sighed, "Why Alex?"

Alex shrugged and looked down. "The chemo will kill me faster than the cancer if it doesnt work. I've been struggling with this for five years now, I dont want it to control my life any more."

"Alex-"

"Dont, Casey please. All the doctors, all the nurses, my family and Olivia, everyone has been telling me how I need to do this, I need to keep fighting, I just cant give up. Please dont make me add you to that list of people who dont support me. I'm not giving up, I'm just going to do things a little differently than I did before. I dont need to fill my body with chemicals and make my self sicker in hopes that I will get better. Do you see how backwards that is? How little sense it makes?"

"Treatments in the medical field dont always make sense Alex, we put faith in our doctors, they know what theyred doing and we trust them."

Alex and took Casey's hand and squeezed it gently, "I want to start putting my faith in something else."

"What would that be?"

"I want to put my faith in God, and in my own body to fix this problem in it's own time and it's own way. They say I'm dying, but I'm not, I know I'm not. If I were dying, dont you thik I would know it? If my own body were giving up on me, if it were perishing bit by bit, how could I smile and talk and walk around? How could I look out my window and see shapes in the clouds if my body were simply abandoning me."

"Some say the world is intensely beautiful as you get closer to dying, that you all of a sudden appreciate everything around you so much more than you had before. So maybe all of that is a sign that you really are dying."

Alex shook her head. "I dont think that could possibly be right, I just know it isnt. My body would tell me, I would know, I would have knots in my stomach and a fear in my heart. I dont have that, I'm going to be fine."

Casey nodded and looked down, she took in a deep breath and opened her mouth but hesitated to speak.

"Casey? What is it?"

Casey sighed and looked back up at her, "I dont know what to do."

"About what?"

"Elliot."

Alex smiled and nodded. "Yes, I heard about that mess. Liv said it was actually very entertaining. Apparently you walk around acting as if he isnt there and he follows you with big puppy eyes. Still completely in love, just like high school, is it all true?"

Casey smiled and gave her a small nod, "More or less, yes. I'm not quite sure I pretend he isnt there but thats not really what I'm unsure of."

"Well, talk to me. What is it?"

Casey looked at her for a moment and squeezed her hand again. "Tonight he was at my house, we had a fight and it turned into...well, you know, and he said that he wanted to hate me but...his exact words were 'I love you too much to hate you.' What does that mean?"

Alex laughed at her, but quickly stopped, seeing the extremely serious look Casey was giving her. "I think it means he loves you, Casey, your overthinking this."

"Then why did he act completely distant and careless afterwards? I just wanted him to talk to me, and he was so short with me."

Alex frowned and nodded, "Maybe he didnt really know how to respond. I'm sure the 'I love you' comment was said out of passion, I doubt he intended for you to know that he still feels so strongly for you. Especially with that woman living with him."

Casey nodded, "They had a son together. You dont know how much it killed me to hear that. It should have been me who carried his child, not some woman he met in a bar while he was in the academy. I dont even know her and I'm already so jealous of her. When I imagine her, I see her as the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She's blonde and tall, with a tiny waist and legs that are longer than any woman's I've ever seen, she has gorgeous eyes and a figure to kill for."

"Do you really think that she looks like that Casey?"

"She must be gorgeous, to have attracted his attention so easily."

"You dont know that, maybe it took her hours to catch his eye, if he was drunk and she threw herself at him then I'm sure she wouldnt have had to be that pretty." Alex giggled, "I bet she's actually fairly unattractive. Maybe she even has crossed eyes."

Casey giggled with her and shook her head. "I wonder if his son looks like him though."

"You haven't met little Alex?"

"No, and I dont think Elliot wants me to meet him. He hasn't even mentioned me meeting his family."

Alex frowned, "I wonder why."

"I'm sure it's because he doesnt want to upset her, something like that."

"No, I dont think that's it."

Casey looked at her and sighed, "Then what?"

"I think he is just afraid to try and fix things with you, to get them back to the way they were, that you'll shut him down. You know what I mean?"

Casey nodded. "Yes, I do. But if he doesnt try...then how will he ever find out if we could rekindle what we had?"

Alex gave her a small smile and patted her hand, "Casey, as long as I have known you, you have been bold and outspoken, except when it comes to your feelings for him. I think you should take a chance, tell him what you want and how you feel."

"And if I'm wrong about all of this?"

"Casey....Does he make you happy?" Casey nodded quickly, "Then you need to fight for it. Fight for your relationship with him. Life is too short to just let things like that, things that are so precious, slip through your fingers."

Casey nodded and stood up. "Your right Alex, your completely right." She gave her a hug and quick peck to the cheek. "Thank you so much. I'll be back to see you tomorrow. Sleep well?"

Alex nodded and waved her out of the room. "Go, I'll see you soon. Just go get him back!"


	9. Chapter 9

JENNIFERTVGIRL: its actually really easy most nights. its currently one forty two am, my girl just left and my head is BUZZING lol

VAMPIREPRINCESS: thank you vampireprincess86 for helping with my writers block! oh the joys of facebook lmao :D

LITTLELATINA: i actually LOVE alex...like i died a little inside when she was 'murdered' lol i literally like would NOT want to be an attorney if it wasnt for her :) but im glad you like her, i try to emulate the best of alex and im glad it shows lol

FUTURENYPD: she will, i just am taking it slowly because she did have a surgery...remember? lol i know its been like a crapton of chapters (not really but it seems like it) but my time frame really hasnt been that long lol. im not going to make kathy and singleminded heartless bitch, dont worry. i do see that she has some good qualities and it wouldnt be fair of me to write the character in a bad way. i just dont think elliot should have stayed with her...thats all lmao

Elliot held the door open for Casey, but they both stopped when they heard a male voice behind them, asking for her. "Excuse me? Are you Casey Novak?"

She looked at him and frowned. She nodded and he pushed a clipboard into her hands. "Sign for me?" She scribbled her signiture as he pushed a vase of flowers into her hands. Elliot couldnt contain the jealousy that was surging through him, but he didnt say anything. He held the door for her as she read the card and he caught a glimpse of the signiture at the bottom. Tucker.

His jealousy didnt last long though, he grinned as she dropped the entire base of flowers into the garbage can as if it was a bag of garbage. She shook her head and he could hear her muttering under her breath. She gave him a quick wink and disappeared into her office, closing the door behind her.

Elliot went to his desk and began rifling through the files that sat in his filing tray. He had been to talk to Suzy Calswert the day before, she had finally opened up and given him a full statement. She didnt know her rapist, and she was terrified.

_"Suzy, I need you to describe him to a sketch artist."_

_"I cant." She looked down and wiped the tears from her eyes, "I dont even want to see him in my head, I just want to forget his face forever."_

_Olivia put a comforting hand on Suzy's arm. "If we dont catch him then we cant do everything in our power to stop him, to protect other women, to bring your rapist to justice."_

_Suzy looked at her, then back at Elliot. "Detectives, you dont understand, you dont know how hard this is for me." She shook her head and looked down at her lap. "I just cant relive it again, I dont think I can handle it."_

_Elliot knelt in front of her, remaining at eye level with her, "You could go your entire life without ever seeing him again, but if you dont face your fear and confront your attacker, help us find him, then you wont ever be able to lay down at night without fearing his presence in your room. You wont be able to close your eyes without feeling as if his image is tattooed on your eyelids. You will see him in every man that passes you on the street. And we cant help you if you dont help us."_

_She nodded and stifled a sob. "He just came in while I was sleeping, I woke up and he was standing over me. At first I didnt know what to do. He just stood there." She wiped at her eyes and squared her shoulders. Elliot was taking in every movement, looking for any sign of deception, but he looked to Liv who was watching him, telling him with her eyes that he needed to empathize not suspect. "After a minute, it seemed like forever, of staring at him, I moved. And then he just jumped on me, he held me down and sat on my chest while he tied my wrists to the bed with a rope. He-he must have brought the rope with him, I dont keep things like that at my apartment." She shook her head and looked up at the ceiling while she took in a deep breath. "It all happened so fast, I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't there. But I could feel him all over me. His hands were everywhere, they were on every curve and in every hole. He just-just shoved himself in-inside me and he shoved his hand in my mouth to stop me from screaming. I wanted to bite him, but it hurt so bad, I could feel myself ripping around him. He-" She closed her eyes and took hold of Olivia's hand, squeezing it gently and using her for strength. "He raped me in my own bed, and while he was on top of me, ripping me open with his flesh, he whispered in my ear. He told me I was beautiful and he told me that he had waited so long for me. He-he told me that I reminded him of his dead wife, and that I had a spirit that he envied." She looked at Elliot, "Who says something like that when he's doing something so terrible to someone?" She shook her head, "When he-he finished with me, he untied me and kissed each hand, then my mouth and he told me that he loved me but if i called the cops or started screaming before I gave him time to leave then he would suffocate me with a bag over my face." She wiped at her face again and sighed. "I waited almost an hour before I called 911. And now I cant even sleep in my own bed, I cant even walk down the street without being terrified of a man I dont even know. Someone that I might not even be able to describe accurately."_

Elliot read over her statement again, for some reason he had a strange feeling that he had heard this before. Not all of it, but the way the rapist had spoken, had treated her, the way he behaved was all so familiar. He sat for a moment and closed his eyes. Then looked over at Olivia, and thats when he realized why this all sounded so familiar. "Alex." He spoke quietly but Olivia heard him none the less.

Her head snapped up and she frowned at him, "What?"

He shook his head and stood up, he had Alex's casefile at his house and he needed to read her statement again, he walked out without a word, Olivia following closely behind.

It didnt take him long to get them to his apartment, he told Liv to wait in the car and ran upstairs and in the house. He looked around to find Kathy sitting on the floor putting a puzzel together with Alex, he smiled at them and went into the bedroom. He found her file quickly and snatched it up as he walked back out. He gave Alex a quick kiss on the forehead and said a quick hello to Kathy. She smiled up at him and he realized why she was still living with him, but he didnt have time to think about it. He went back outside and slammed the car door, tossing the file between them.

"Elliot, what the hell is this?"

"Read the statement, what he said to her. It's just like Suzy Calswert, I bet its the same guy."

Olivia frowned and looked at the file, "El-"

"I know, but trust me. Read it."

She sighed and opened it, flicking quickly to the page that had her statement on it.

Olivia held the door open and watched as Alex walked slowly through the door. Alex smiled as she looked at their living room, then looked to Liv and sighed. "I'm so glad to be back. I really didnt realize how much I missed home until just now."

Liv smiled at her, but the smile didnt quite reach her eyes. She closed the door and helped Alex to the couch, Alex sat in her usual spot and set her head back. Liv waited a moment then laid down with her head in Alex's lap. Alex lightly stroked Olivia's hair, smiling down at her but silently wondering what was on Liv's mind.

"Lexy, baby? Why didnt you tell me?"

"Tell you what Liv?"

"That you were raped. I know we were having trouble but you could have come to me."

Alex's hand froze and she closed her eyes. She couldnt believe she had gone so long without telling Liv, that she had never found the courage to share something so important. "I-How did you find out?"

"Elliot."

Alex nodded and closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling. "I didnt want to worry you, we had other things going on."

"Alex," Olivia looked up at her. "You could have come to me. I'm so hurt that you hid that from me."

"Why did Elliot say something?"

Olivia shook her head and sighed. "One of our victims, her rapist had the same MO as yours."

Alex's breath caught in her throat. "What?" She closed her eyes tightly and tried to make her lungs work properly.

"Alex?" Olivia sat up and looked at her worriedly, "Lex, are you okay?"

Alex nodded and looked at her, "That was just a little...surprising, thats all."

Casey walked out of her office and out to the street, it was quiet and hardly anyone could be seen. It was almost two am, she had worked all night, Elliot was still working when she left. She could hear the echo of her heels as she walked down the street, she didnt see any point in driving four blocks to get food, Elliot was supposed to be meeting her there, she didnt have any reason to worry, she wasnt looking over her shoulder as she walked.

She walked briskly, the night was chilly, but when she crossed the alley she stopped dead in her tracks. She could hear someone saying her name, faintly, and heard footsteps behind her. She assumed it was Elliot so she turned around, smiling. A man she didnt know approached her, "I love your smile, Casey." He flashed her a quick smile, a wicked, toothy grin, and put a bag quickly over her face.

She tried to scream and struggle, but he was too big for her to fight. His arms wrapped around her and picked up and she could feel him walking with her but couldnt tell where he was taking her. She heard more footsteps approaching and began to panic inwardly, more attackers, mutliple men to overpower and abuse her. She closed her eyes and focused on continuing to find her breath through the plastic covering her face.


	10. Chapter 10

VAMPIREPRINCESS: lol you can harass me all you want. art takes time, and this is definately art :)

ANXIOUSDISEASE: well thank you, im glad your enjoying it :)

FUTURENYPD: lol i just like to make ppl wanna scream with frustration, i actually love alex, so this story is actually quite saddening :) muahhahhahhahhahh youll see how he thinks of her, all in good time :D

JENNIFERTVGIRL: you hate cliffhangers? really? lmao i would have NEVER guessed :)

Elliot walked quickly down the street, he knew she couldnt be very far ahead of him, but she was far enough that he couldnt see or hear her. He was determined to catch up with her. He looked down at the ground as he walked but looked up sharply when he heard a scream, Casey's voice. It was short and cut off sharply, as if someone had covered her mouth. He took off running, hoping that he could catch up fast enough to find her, to get her before she disappeared into the new york night.

He saw her, too far to get to her before the large man behind her pulled a plastic bag over face, but close enough to hear her trying to shout. He didnt stop running, but he didnt seem to be able to run fast enough.

"Alex, please, tell me why you wont do the chemo. Please help me understand."

Alex looked at her and sighed. "I told you Liv, if this is the end of me, if this is how I'm going to go, then I would rather not be sick from the chemo in my last few years, months, days, whatever." Alex took Liv's hand and pressed it to her heart, "I want to be here with you, enjoying the time I have with you, not laying in a hospital bed desperately fighting a treatment that just makes me feel worse."

Olivia nodded and pressed a light kiss to Alex's lips. "I just cant imagine my life without you. I want to do everything we possibly can to keep you with me." She looked into Alex's sky blue eyes and tried to give her a smile, "I love you so much, I truly dont know what the fuck I would do if I lost you."

"Liv," Alex framed Olivia's face delicately with her hands, "Dont be scared. Do you remember when you finished the academy, and you got the night shift and I stayed up all night every night just waiting for you to come home, staring at the phone so that I knew where you were and if you were safe. And when you didnt call I thought you were dead. Do you remember all of that?"

Olivia nodded and looked at Alex patiently, "Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember what you told me?" Liv nodded and Alex smiled. "You said that no matter what happened to you, you would always be with me, you werent ever going to leave me and I could always look forward to you coming home. Baby," Alex looked at Liv and gave her a small smile, "Even if this doesnt work out in the wat we want it to, I'm always going to be yours and I am always going to be with you."

"Even when your gone?"

Alex kissed Liv gently again, noticing the tears building in her eyes but not wanting to draw attention to it. "I'll never be really gone baby, I'll find a place to sit and I'll wait for you. Patiently wait for when your ready to join me."

"Lexy, your dying, and theres nothing I can do to help you. I cant save you." Olivia tried to stop the tears but failing, "I cant even help you."

"Liv, baby, dont cry, your helping more than you could ever know." Alex looked at her and pulled her close, they were sitting on their bed, snuggling under a quilt that Alex's mother had made, "If it werent for you being here with me and supporting me, I would be terrified. But I know that I'm going to be okay because your here with me. You dont know it now, but someday you will see how much you really help me."

Olivia rested her head on Alex's shoulder and nodded, "Yeah, I hope so."

"I know so," Alex whispered gently.

Olivia woke with a start, Alex wasnt next to her. Her eyes flew to the clock by the bed, it was four eighteen in the morning. Olivia got up and walked quickly to the bedroom door. "Lex?" She checked in the bathroom and then in the guest bedroom, then began to walk down the hall. "Alex, baby are you here?" She didnt hear anything, but as she walked into the living room her foot touched something soft. She reached for the light switch, already panicking. She flipped it on and looked down as light flooded the room. Alex laid, sprawled out on the floor. "Lex!" Olivia knelt down beside her and shook her gently but Alex didnt respond. Her head rolled to one side as Olivia pulled her onto her lap. Liv reached for the house phone that was sitting on the table at the end of the hall and dialed 911. She gave her address and told them that Alex was completely unconcious then let the phone fall to the floor as she pleaded with Alex to just wake up, to be okay.

They let Olivia ride in the ambulence on the way to the hospital, she held Alex's limp hand while they hooked her up to IVs and talked under their breaths.

But when they got to the hospital Liv had to stay in the waiting room as they wheeled Alex into a nearby room. She waited for hours, watching as the clock changed from four thirty, to five, to six, to eight thirty. Finally, at nine oclock, a doctor approached her. "Miss Benson?"

"Yes-yes thats me. How is she?"

He looked at her and shook his head, "I'm afraid it isnt good. We were unable to wake her, and we have her on life support now. She had alot of internal bleeding, it seems that the places that the tumors were removed in her last surgery didnt close properly and they began bleeding until she passed out. She probably had dizzy sensations and trouble breathing, I'm surprised she didnt let anyone know that something was wrong."

Olivia was instantly overcome with guilt, "Where is she? Can I see her?"

"She's comatose right now, we dont know whether or not we should expect her to wake up anytime soon. But she is in room one-eighteen, down the hall, if you would like to go see her."


	11. Chapter 11

ALEXANDCASEY: HEY! IVE BEEN READING FRESHMAN YEAR! your writing is awesome! i LOVE your story! lol and welcome to the reviews :) and im pretty sure that Alex is not invincible...shes my hero buuut i gotta keep it interesting :D

FUTURENYPD: im not evil, im just creative :D

VAMPIREPRINCESS: i love you too dearest lmao

JENNIFERTVGIRL: hahhahhahh i know, casey/elliot overload, right? im watching SVU as we speak...im inspired! lol

Olivia rested her forehead on her and Alex's clasped hands and took in a deep breath. She didnt know what to do, she knew that she was completely helpless, there was nothing she could do to wake Alex up, it was going to have to happen on Alex's time. She looked up as a nurse came into the room, but didnt move away from Alex. She looked at her girlfriend and suddenly realized that she had only asked Alex to marry her once. Alex hadn't been ready and told her to ask again in a year, and Olivia didnt. When a year and six months went by, with no proposal from Olivia, Alex took matters into her own hands. Olivia wiped at a small tear as she thought back on that night. Alex called her and told her it was an emergency and she needed her home. Olivia rushed home from work that night, panicking the whole way, and when she opened the door the entire apartment was dark, which only caused her to think the worst. She looked around quickly and saw flickering lights under their bedroom door. She flung it open and realized the light was coming from a candle-lit bathroom and soft music filled the air around her. She sighed and walked to the bathroom, smiling at a naked Alex sitting in the tub. Alex looked up at her and flashed that brilliant smile before she stood up and began undressing Olivia. Time seemed to move so slowly that night, Olivia could remember every moment. Especially the moment that Olivia saw the little ducky floating in the bubbles, with a shimmering ring tied around its neck. Olivia picked it up and looked at Alex. Alex simply untied it and slipped it on Liv's finger, simply stating that she wanted to marry her and she was ready for that commitment. But Olivia choked up and shook her head, quickly telling Alex it wasnt the right time for them and they should wait until they were in better positions in their careers. Alex was so stubborn, she wouldnt try again, she would wait for Olivia. But Liv had completely brushed it off, she got so caught up in everything else going on in their lives, she had barely even thought of marriage. She had Alex, she was comfortable, and now she was losing her before she could have even tried to complete their lives, before she could show her how much she loved her.

Casey woke with a start, looking around her. The room was brightly lit, and at first the lights burned her eyes. But as she adjusted she was shocked to see the room she was in. She was sitting in a metal chair, in front of a metal desk, with nothing on it. There were no windows, only cement walls, so she assumed she was in a basement. In the far corner there was a tv quietly filling the room with the sounds of the news and there was a small couch placed directly in front of it. On the other wall there was a mini fridge, a stand which supported a microwave and a small table with two chairs. As her eyes adjusted further she noticed the note stuck to the fridge with a magnet. She snatched it, reading it quickly out loud. "Help yourself to breakfast, you'll find everything you need in the fridge. I'll join you for a movie soon." She crumpled it and threw it towards the tv in frustration. She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts, she knew that she needed to remain logical, she also knew that Elliot couldn't have been far behind her, he would know something was wrong and he would find her. She slowly knelt down and looked in the fridge. There was a few small frozen sausage breakfast sandwiches, some lunch meats, cheese, bread and mayonaise, and about twelve bottles of water and six cans of soda. She took a breakfast sandwich and tossed it in the microwave, carelessly starting the time and opening a water bottle. She ate at the little table, still taking in her surroundings, still wondering what she was doing here.

She sat and waited for hours, it seemed like days to her but there was a clock on the microwave so that she knew exactly how long she had been there.

After four hours and twenty three minutes, the door opened and a small red head walked in. "Sit down, Charlie will be in here in a few minutes."

Casey raised her brows and looked at the woman. "And who are you?"

The woman looked up at her, her eyes were bright blue and burning with anger and hatred. "Allison, his wife. Now sit down, before I make you sit."

"Look, I dont know you, there has to be some way we can work this out. I-"

"Shut the fuck up." Casey snapped her mouth shut and just looked at her. "Go sit down."

Casey complied silently, this woman was small but it was apparent that she could do serious damage if she wanted to. She watched as the woman, Allison, cleaned up Casey's breakfast and then sat in one of the chairs at the table and watched her in silence.

Casey couldnt see the clock from where she was sitting on the couch, so she didnt know exactly how much time passed before the door opened and Charlie walked into the room. His hair was grown out long and uncombed, his eyes darted back and forth and it was clear that he was unmedicated.

"Charlie-" Casey started but she stopped when he looked at her.

"Casey." He smiled at her, a smile that gave her chills and made her wonder exactly what she was in for. "I've missed you."

He sat down next to her and reached a hand out towards her. She pulled away from him but tried to smile. "Charlie-" Allison's voice broke his consentration and he held a hand up at her as he let out a sharp curse.

"Damnit Allison. Shut the fuck up and let me think!" He stood up and began pacing back and forth, looking at her as he shouted, "You always get in my way and try to distract me! Just be quiet!"

Casey took this opportunity to try to talk to him, "Charlie, look at me please."

He looked at her but couldnt seem to keep eye contact, he continued pacing and began muttering to himself.

"Charlie, you dont have to do this, you can just let me leave and go back to work. And then you and Allison can go and do whatever it is that you do. This is unnecessary, Charlie, you know it is."

He sat down and grabbed her hands before she could stop him. "Casey I cant let you leave. You-you need to stay here with me, I'm not letting you leave."

"Charlie-"

"No!" He shook his head sharply and raised his voice at her, "You left me once, I refuse to let you leave me again Casey!" He narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice so that only she could hear him, "I need you here with me, I refuse to let you leave me again. I love you Casey, your mine, do you understand?"

She nodded timidly and looked to Allison. Her eyes were narrowed at Casey and they still burned with the same hatred that they held when she first walked into the room.

Elliot sifted through the papers quickly. He needed to get that paper to Cragen before he could leave and find Casey. Everyone in the unit was looking for her, but Elliot had a feeling he knew who she was with.

She had told him about Charlie, how he had attacked her when he stopped taking his medication, she hadnt seen him in two years. But Elliot was almost positive that this was his doing. Munch and Fin were looking into cases she had prosecuted, but Elliot simply knew that he was on the right track.

He dropped the form off in Cragen's office and went to leave, but Cragen stopped him.

"Stabler," Elliot looked at him and raised his eyebrows, "You know where she is?"

Elliot nodded, "Yeah, I think so."

Cragen looked at him and sighed, "You call for backup before you do anything, you dont know what you could be walking into. And dont hesitate to use our resources, this is a full investigation and we cant waste any time."

Elliot nodded again and walked out of the office, and back to his computer. He had already made a trace on Casey's cell before it had been turned off. It was traced to a small house about sixty miles outside of New York, a small rural area where neighbors were sparse and people had room for pets larger than chihuahuas. He gathered the papers he needed, addresses, names, directions.

Casey closed her eyes and took in a calming breath, she looked at Charlie and then at Allison. They hardly talked, and when they did it was short and angry. Casey couldnt help but wonder why Charlie was off his meds, but she was too busy trying to think of how she could get out of this situation. "Charlie," she whispered. He looked down at her sharply, but his expression softened as he looked down at her. "Charlie," She said again, "Come sit with me."

He sat down and let her scoot closer to him and take his hand. "Casey..."

"I've missed you."

He looked at her, his eyes clearly skeptical of her. "I've missed you too. That's why I've brought you here Casey. You have to understand. I want you with me."

"I want it to be just us." Her eyes flicked to Allison and then back at him. "Just us..."

He stood up and looked at Allison. "Get out."

Her eyes widened at him, "What?"

"You heard me." He pointed to the door. "Leave."

"Charlie I cant just leave-"

"Get out! I want to spend time with Casey without you here watching us like a fucking hawk. Get the fuck out and wait for me upstairs."

She got up and slowly walked to the door, opened it and then looked back at him. "Charlie, please-"

"No, get out."

She slammed the door behind her and Charlie looked back down at Casey. She gave him a small smile and he sat down next to her. "I love you Casey. I would do anything for you, you see? Absolutely anything..."

"Charlie," she whispered. "I love you." He laid his head down on her lap and Casey ran her fingers through his hair. She looked to the door and then back at him, and decided that it was just safer to sit with him and wait for help. He wouldnt hurt her unless he was provoked, she knew that from experience.

Elliot pulled up to the house and parked in the driveway. He got out of the car and walked up to the porch. He sighed and said a quick prayer, hoping he was right and not wasting valuable time here. He raised his hand to knock but stopped as he heard crashing class and a woman's cry of frustration. But he knew it wasnt Casey's voice. Still, it worried him to hear commotion like that. He knocked on the door loudly. He could hear a slight commotion as the woman made her way to the door and then it swung open. He looked down to see dark red hair and bright blue eyes, he was shocked at the fierce expression they held. He cleared his throat and tried to smile at her. "I'm looking for Charlie."

"What do you want with him?"

He raised his brows at her, "Is he here?"

She moved to close the door but he put his fist up to stop her, "Ma'am, may I ask who you are?"

She set her jaw and narrowed her eyes, "I'm his wife."

He put a foot in the door and gave her a small smile, "Mind if I step inside?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes, but she gave way and opened the door for him. "Fine, come in if you must."

He smiled at her, and stepped into the house. There was glass all over the floor and she had a broom propped up against the wall. "Do you mind if I get a glass of water?"

"What do you want with Charlie?"

"He and I are old friends, went to law school together. He asked me to drop by and help him with something."

"Did he say what?"

Elliot shook his head, "No, just asked me to stop by. Now how about that water?"

She waved him towards the kitchen and picked up the broom. "I'll get him for you as soon as I'm done here."

He nodded and walked slowly towards the kitchen, listening intently for any sounds that would hint to Casey's whereabouts. But now, after talking to Charlie's wife, he was absolutely sure that she was there. He got himself a glass of water and leaned against the sink, he surveyed the kitchen and his eyes fell on a small door, one that you had to crouch to walk through. He set his glass down and stepped towards it, but stopped as Charlie's wife walked into the kitchen with a dustpan full of glass. She gave him a smile that didnt reach her eyes and dumped the pan out, then popped the little door open and descended the stairs. He followed her, but not closely, and stopped when she reached the bottom and opened a door. She closed it behind her and he stepped down one more step and listened to the conversation.

Casey looked up as Allison let the door click shut behind her. Charlie lifted his head from her lap and frowned at her, "I thought I told you-"

"I'm sorry. But your friend, Elliot is here. He said he went to law school with you."

Casey's breath caught in her chest and she looked up at Charlie with wide eyes. "Is he still here?"

Casey blinked rapidly and tried to decide what she should do. She knew Elliot would be nearby, so she stood up and put a hand on his arm and spoke, not trying to be quiet. "Charlie-"

He pushed her hand away from him and took a few steps away. "Dont say my name like that. Your fucking victimizing yourself Casey! I'm not going to hurt you so you can just stop it!"

"I-I'm sorry, I just-I was just trying to get your attention." She took a step forward, she knew she was provoking him, he was quickly going back into the world in his head and she knew he would lose control. She reached a hand out for him and saw his eyes shift. He grabbed her wrist and twisted it, forcing her to move closer to him, "Charlie! Dont!"

"Shut the fuck up Casey!" He wrapped a hand around her throat and forced her backwards onto the couch, she let out a short shriek as she dug her nails into his arms. She couldnt see, but she could hear Elliot burst through the door to come to her aid. But she knew that Allison would try to stop him, and she was right, it wasnt easy to subdue her. He had to twist her arm behind her back and force her out the door then use a chair to keep it closed so that she couldnt get back in. He then turned his attention to Charlie. Casey was struggling with him but he was bigger than her and he had her pinned by her throat beneath him.

Olivia sighed as the doctors gave her the list of things to expect. All of their medical terms and diagnoses basically told her the same thing. Alex wasnt going to wake up, and at that point she wasnt even breathing on her own. Olivia tried to stop the tears that were sliding down her cheeks as she sat looking at Alex's lifeless, yet beautiful, form.


	12. Chapter 12

Casey rolled to the side as Elliot yanked Charlie off of her by the collar. She watched as the two men struggled, she couldnt tell who was hitting who, or who had the upper hand even. Her vision was still blurred from the lack of oxygen to her brain, she could hear the loud packing of fists on flesh, flesh on the hard ground. She closed her eyes and brought a hand to her throat, as if to mend the damage done with her own hand. She slipped slowly out of conciousness, she could feel her mind moving slowly into darkness.

Elliot hit Charlie, hard across the face, and the man feel limp beneath him. After taking a moment to ensure that he hadn't killed him, Elliot turned his attentions to Casey. She had rolled onto the floor and was laying half concious, her eyes rolled up, towards the back of her head. "Casey?" He tapped her face gently, looking down at her with his bright blue eyes. "Case, baby, are you okay?"

She made a small sound but he couldnt tell if it was a response to him or just a murmer of pain. He scooped her up in his arms and walked to the door. he kicked the chair out of his way and came face to face with Allison. She looked past him, to Charlie laying on the floor, and rushed to his aid as Elliot carried Casey up the stairs and outside. He pulled the front door open and was shocked at what he saw. Four local squad cars and Fin and Munch's car were sitting outside, six uniformed officers standing with their guns poised and ready. He didnt know how they had tracked him down, but he wasnt going to waste time finding out. He put her in the passenger seat of his car and took off for the nearest hospital.

"Your asking me to let you take her off life support?" Olivia looked at Alex's mother with wide, shocked eyes.

Alex's mother nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Olivia, I know you love her as much as I do, maybe even more. Our lives will be so different without her. But-but she's suffering and it wouldnt be fair of us to put her through that."

"Laura, how do you know she's suffering?" Olivia looked back at Alex, wondering if she could hear the conversation that she and her mother were having. "Maybe she's just resting, somewhere in her mind she has to be there, waiting for the right time to come back. I cant just give up on her because she cant sit up and talk to us."

Laura set her jaw, the same resolution apparent in her face that Alex had when she had her mind set on something. "Liv, I love you like a daughter, you know I do. But this isnt about you. And it isnt up to you, its up to her family to decide what is best for her. Her entire family, not just her partner."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. It wasnt worth the argument, not at a time like this. Olivia just wanted to keep Alex on life support as long as they would let her. She knew that she didnt, in all reality, have any say in the matter legally. Casey hadn't given her power of attorney, her parents could make the choice and, short of dragging them through the court system, there was nothing she could do about it. "Laura, please, lets just wait a little longer. Okay? Please. Give her more of a chance. The doctors said that we shouldnt start losing hope yet."

Laura nodded and looked back at Alex. "I'm just trying to cover my bases Liv, I would rather be prepared for the worst than be shocked by her condition worsening."

Casey looked over at Elliot, he was sleeping in a chair by her hospital bed, her hand tightly clasped in his. She pressed the small button for the nurse and let her head fall back on the pillow. She couldnt remember anything after Allison coming in to tell Charlie that Elliot, his 'friend from lawschool,' was had showed up. She needed to know what had gone on, she couldnt just sit and wonder.

The nurse, a tall blonde with a friendly smile and hazel eyes, came into the room and began checking her vitals. "How are you feeling Ms Novak?"

"Fine, thank you. But what happened, why cant I remember?"

The nurse smiled at her, but it didnt quite reach the worry in her eyes, "I was here when the doctor was talking to your fiance," she nodded towards the sleeping form of Elliot by her bed, "last night. I'm sure the doctor will be here to tell you more soon. But your fiance said that you had been choked by-by that man yesterday. The doctor said you would probably have amnesia, although we wont know how bad it is until we do some tests and we watch you for a few days."

"My fiance?"

The nurse nodded, "He's a very nice man, he refused to leave your side all night, I'm shocked that he actually let himself fall asleep actually."

"I doubt he let himself." Casey muttered under her breath. "Where is my doctor?"

"I'll go get him. Just call if you need me Miss Novak, my name is Melissa."

"Thank you." Casey laid her head back and closed her eyes.

She didnt know how long she slept for, but she woke up to a gentle nudging at her side. "Casey, baby?" She could hear Elliot's voice, but it sounded so distant as she tried to bring herself to full awareness.

"Alex?" Alex looked to the short, dark haired man standing to her left. "What are you doing here?"

Alex looked around her, the trees were dense but they didnt stop the sun from shining down on her. She took in a deep breath of the wild air and looked back to the man. "I dont know."

He tilted his head and gazed at her patiently, waiting for her to take in her surroundings.

"Where are we?" She asked him as she looked up to the canopy.

"Inbetween. Your very lucky, you have a choice Alex, one that very few people in this world get to make."

"What do you mean?"

"You brought yourself to the point of dying, but we know that you could still do so much in that world, were giving you the choice. You can continue on your journey to the next life, or you could go back. Go back to your family and to Olivia and to the life you wanted for yourself."

Alex looked at him with sad eyes. "Back to the cancer, to the hospitals and to the treatments. Back to the pain and the endless medications. Back to being a burden on everyone around me. Why would I go back to all of that?"

Now he smiled at her. "You wouldnt be going back to that. You would be going back to a recovering body, were offering you a gift. We'll take your cancer, slowly but surely you would recover and live to the full extent that you could."

"Hi, Miss Novak, I'm Dr Chase."

"Good to meet you," she held her hand out for him to shake and Elliot began laughing. "What's funny?"

"Nothing," he shook his head, "Your laying in a hospital bed and you still cant turn off the attorney in you."

She smiled and looked back to her doctor. "When can I leave?"

Dr Chase smiled at her and looked at her charts, "All of your tests came back fine, you dont seem to have any significant memory loss, the only thing you cant remember is the attack which is absolutely normal. So, we can discharge you in the morning. Soon enough for you?"

"Will I be able to go back to work?"

"I'm not going to request that you see-"

"You want me to see a shrink. That's fine, can it be Dr Huang though?"

"Yes, it doesnt have to be a hospital doctor. Any other questions for me?"

She shook her head and he flipped the chart closed and smiled at them as he said goodbyes and left the room. Casey looked at Elliot and was alarmed to see tears in his eyes. "Elliot, whats wrong?"

He let out a long sigh and looked at her, his eyes betraying his cool exterior. "I almost lost you Casey."

She shook her head, "No you didnt, I-"

"Case, I did. I almost lost you and it would have been my fault because I had to just go storming in there without thinking-"

"You were trying to protect me-"

"I love you so much, I thought my heart was going to stop seeing you like that, laying on the floor with those bruises on your throat. I-I didnt know what I would do if you didnt pull through the way you did."

"El, you dont have to worry about me. I dont want you to worry-"

"I'm always going to worry about you Casey. But i need to do something to hlep me ease the fears I have."

Casey looked at him with imploring eyes, he was going to leave, she knew it. "El, please, nothing like this is going to happen again. I couldnt bear it if you left me because of this and I promise you-"

"Casey, stop talking for a minute." He gave her a small smile and pulled a little box out of his coat pocket. Her jaw dropped and she looked from his eyes to his hand and back to his eyes. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, I have loved you since the first time I saw you when I tripped in the hallway. And I know I messed this up once, I know that it should have been different but it wasnt and now is my chance to make this what it should be. Casey, I need you to be my wife, to be my reason for breathing and sleeping, my reason for waking up every morning and my reason to be the best man I could even imagine. I need you to give me a reason to live, because your the only thing in this world that I love."

Casey wiped at the tears that were sliding gently down her face and threw her arms around him. "El, baby, your my whole life, your everything to me, your the only thing I have in this world. Of course I'll marry you, I love you more than I could possibly put into words."

"Is that a yes?"

Casey laughed planted a kiss on his lips, "Thats a definate yes!"


	13. Chapter 13

VAMPIREPRINCESS: lol stfu ive got a good idea going here.

ALEXANDCASEY: lol alex is my hero, i dont know if i can kill her and not feel like a TERRIBLE person

FUTURENYPD: lol i didnt think it was wierd until you told me it was wierd :P *dances in the streamers!* and yes, im happy there going to get remarried too :)

JENNIFERTVGIRL: lol you shall seee :)

~.~

Alex sat cross legged in the small clearing, simply gazing into the trees. She almost liked it here, everything was so much simpler, it was peaceful and quiet. She looked across her to the man she had been speaking with. "I know I need to decide, I cant stay here forever, but..."

He nodded, "Some stay here for years, but they dont realize how long it is. Time flies here, you dont realize how much time is passing for your family, for the people who love you."

"So even though it feels like its only been a few hours, I have no idea how long it really is." She looked up at him again, panic in her eyes. "How long has it been? Outside, I mean. How long has it been for Olivia and my mother and my friends?"

He looked around them, and suddenly it got very dark, then the sun came back. Then dark, then light, dark then light. Dark, then light. "Thats how many nights it has been. Four nights, five days."

She let out a small sob and looked down at the ground. And as she sat there, everything grew dark again. "What-"

"Olivia turns off the lights at night, so that you can sleep peacefully. Thats how we know its dark. This is night number five. And your mother is beginning to lose hope."

"What do you mean?"

"She asked Olivia to give her blessing to take you off life support. The choice is going to be taken away from you Alex. You wont be able to go back to that world if you wait much longer."

"I'm not sure I want to. I'm so sick, half the time I want to die, I want it all to be over and to be at peace."

"I made the offer already Alex, we'll clear your body of the cancer and you'll live long and happily, but if you dont decide soon someone else is going to decide for you." He stood up and put his hands in his pockets, then turned and began to walk into the trees.

"Wait! How do I get out of here? How do I decide?"

"You simply make up your mind. You decide what you want and we will do the rest."

~.~

Casey looked up at Elliot and smiled. He was fast asleep in her bed, his clothes and knick knacks had quickly made their way to her home and she didnt have a single thing to complain about. She laid her head down on his chest and let her eyes close. The bruises on her throat were a constant dull pain, reminding her and Elliot of what they had been through with Charlie. She hadnt seen him since that day, and she wouldnt until it went to trial. She had convinced police to drop the charges once before, but this time she couldnt do anything to help him. Her thoughts were a small replay of the events of the last week as she drifted to sleep. She couldnt get the image of Alex, hooked up to IVs and breathing tubes, out of her head. Of Olivia so distraught and broken, it broke Casey's heart to see her friend in that state. Olivia was always the strong one, she was always the one who kept it together and held everyone down when everything was going wrong.

Casey looked up as she felt Elliot's arm tighten around her and his breathing quickened. He was looking at her with sleepy eyes, "You alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm just thinking."

He kissed her forehead and sighed, "Stop thinking and go to sleep."

~.~

Olivia looked up with wide eyes, Alex had moved, she just knew it. She got out of her chair and stood by Alex's bed. "Lex, baby, I saw you move. Do it again for me?" She clasped Alex's hand with her own and whispered in Alex's ear, "Please baby, squeeze my hand, I know you can."

She held her breath and waited, then laughed with relief as Alex gently squeezed her hand. Olivia brushed Alex's hair away from her face and continued to encourage her, "Yes, Alex come on, open your eyes, show us all that your there. Come on baby, I know you can do this."

She couldnt stop her grin as Alex made a small noise and her eyes opened a tiny bit. Olivia quickly hit the call button for the nurse and continued talking to Alex. "Baby, you scared me so bad, I thought you werent coming back to me. I couldnt have lived with myself if I had let you slip away from me like that. I fucking love you way too much for this, Lex I love you, do you hear me?"

"I..." Alex tried to talk but with the tubes in her throat she just choked on her words.

"No, Lex, dont, just wait for the nurse."

~.~

Elliot rolled over and picked up his phone, answering it without looking at the number. "Stabler." He sat up, waking Casey up gently as he talked. "Are you serious?...No, dont even worry about it, we'll be there soon, dont worry...Yeah just stay with her, Casey is listed as her family anyway, there wont be a problem...See you soon, bye."

"Who was that?"

He got out of bed and pulled a shirt on over his shoulders. "Liv, Alex woke up. They have her off life support and she doesnt need the breathing tubes or anything like that right now."

Casey threw the covers off of her and quickly pulled jeans and a tank top out of her drawers. "When did that happen?"

"About an hour ago, she called as soon as she got a chance." He looked at her and smiled, he was just glad that Casey was alright and she was completely his again. He was slowly but surely moving his things in and getting ready to start moving his son's things into her apartment. He just needed to break things to Kathy.

Casey was ready and out the door before he was, and he was left to quickly follow her as he buckled his belt.

~.~

"I love you Liv, I'm so sorry for this."

Liv shook her head at Alex and smiled at her as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Dont you dare be sorry. Your here and your not leaving me again, that is all that matters."

"Liv," Alex shook her head, "You wouldnt believe the story I have to tell you."

"I would love to hear it, but right now you need to rest. Elliot and Case are on their way. You missed all the excitement. Theyre engaged and getting married in three months."

Alex's eyes lit up and she laughed that amazing laugh that Liv had prayed for over that week. "It's about time. They needed to just suck it up and admit that they were made for eachother."

~.~

"Casey, you'll never believe it!" Casey looked up to see Liv standing, holding the door to the waiting room open, a huge smile plastered on her face. "You guys can come in, we want you here for this!"

Casey looked up at Elliot, who gave her a small, amused smile, and walked slowly to the door and held it open for her. She walked past him, smiling up at him but obviously distracted by Liv's smile and invitations to talk to the doctors with them.

They all piled into her little hospital room and waited as the doctor conversed with another specialist outside. When he came in a hush fell over the room and they waited for him to say something. He cleared his throat and looked around at them with a small smile. "I have some interesting news for everyone. Miss Cabot, it seems that your cancer has cleared. We ran all the tests and looked at your samples and we cant find any trace of anything."

Liv looked around at everyone, making sure that they all shared the joy that she was feeling. "So, its completely gone?"

"Thats what it seems. But were going to have to continue doing regular checks and monitor you for the next few months, maybe even longer, just to make sure we catch everything that comes up.


	14. Chapter 14

JENNIFERTVGIRL: update :) glad your enjoying tho...were almost at the end!

ALEXANDCASEY: lol oh im so sorry that i was being such a terrible person lol anything in the name of good writing :)

FUTURENYPD: hey now lol i think my stories are alot of fun! well...i have fun at least lol

~.~

Elliot closed the door behind him and looked around the small apartment. He knew that Alex would be asleep for his nap now, which made it the perfect time to talk to Kathy. "Kathy?" He walked through the apartment and knocked gently on the bedroom door. "Kathy are you here?"

He opened the door and was shocked at what he saw. Kathy looked up at him with wide, startled eyes and Elliot couldnt help but laugh. Kathy was laying, naked and covered only by a sheet, with another man. He was african american, extremely muscular and had long dreaklocks. "Elliot I-I didnt kow you would be home."

He tried to sound serious but he couldnt stop his laughing, "Yeah, I needed to talk to you. And I guess you needed to talk to me too. I'll give you a few minutes to get dressed." He stifled a chuckle and closed the door. This was going to be alot easier than he thought, especially if she was already seeing someone else as well. He just needed to work out things with custody of his son, Kathy was an amazing mother and he didnt want her to think he was trying to take Alex away from her.

She emerged a few minutes later with her guest. The man held his hand out to Elliot and introduced himself. His name was Everett Jones and he had no idea Kathy was still playing house with him. Elliot assured him it was no big deal and watched as Kathy showed him to the door. When she turned back to him, she looked as if she really was upset about the whole thing.

"Kathy, dont even worry about it. I came to tell you that I'm moving out anyway."

She nodded and gave him a small smile. "It's Casey isnt it?"

He nodded, "And I see you found someone to be close to."

"Yes," She smiled, "Everett is a good man. And he met Alex today, they get along very well. What are we going to do about Alex?"

Elliot shrugged, "You know my work schedule. I was thinking he would live most of the time with you and I could spend my days off with him."

She nodded, "You have a place for him to sleep and everything set up for him?"

"No, Casey and I are setting up his room this weekend. She's really excited to have him around. So I guess everything works out."

Kathy nodded, "Yeah, I've known that we wouldnt last for a while now, so it was easier to just let you go." She took a step towards him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I love you Elliot. I hope for all the best for you and Casey."

~.~

"What do you mean your late?"

Casey rolled her eyes at Alex, she was propped up in her hospital bed looking at her with panic in her eyes. "Exactly what I said. I'm late. I'm going to get a test on my way home."

Alex sighed and shook her head. "You guys werent using protection, were you?"

Casey giggled and shook her head, "We dont exactly plan it out so that we have time to think about those things. It just..happens."

"Casey!" Alex smacked her gently, "Well then let this be a lesson to you! Jesus, you are going to end up with eight kids you keep that up."

"Elliot already has a son, so were on the way already," Casey said with a smile.

"Case, I was kidding, please tell me you arent seriously considering the idea. You have never wanted kids."

Casey looked at her with amused eyes, "And you never wanted to settle down and look at you. You've been with Liv since high school."

Alex shook her head, "That is totally different."

Casey smiled at her and shook her head in return. "No, it really isnt. You just dont want to admit that were changing and that love is making us want things that we didnt ever consider for our lives. I cant even tell you how much I hope that test is positive."

~.~

Casey looked at the small white stick as the purple symbol became clearer. It wasnt a simple plus or minus, it was going to be either one line or two. She watched it appear and tehn quickly looked to the box..."Positive!" She yelled as she ran out of the bathroom. Elliot was sitting in the living room watching tiv on the couch. She jumped into his lap and gave him a kiss before showing him the little stick that told her that she was expecting a mini stabler.


End file.
